Thanks...and update

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thanks...and update
7
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 10:38am

THanks to you all for your support this morning...you're all right...and I love you. I do think my H is seeing someone else, but I don't know for sure...he says no...but the signs are there...he says I'm crazy...lol. He says he just has "friends" and is living his life...now that I'm better, I have to figure out how to live my "own life". Not fair, and BS if you ask me.

So, this morning, I called my employee assistance program through work, and I got an emergency therapist to help me deal with this.

I cannot and will not let him (or my way of dealing with him) or this life change or WTF ever it is, bring me down any further. I am a mess right now. It just won't happen.

So, I don't know what's up or down or left or right. But I will work it out...if nothing more than working out ME.

Love you all.

Keli

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 11:11am
good for you keli...i'm glad to hear you sounding like that encouraging post you wrote recently..you deserve all the best.& so much more
love you...sus
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 11:18am

hey sus! a lot of this good encouraging talk is just that...T A L K...but i gotta start somewhere...inside i'm a mess of hurt, pain, anger and emotions...ugh. oh well...i'll be okay. i have been RIGHT HERE before...that's the hell of it all. and i made it then and i will make it again...whatever happens...

but i think getting the therapist was a good step...i can't keep staying home, in bed, paralyzed, because of a freaking man...

know what i mean? stupid man...stupid depression that the man is causing!!!

i got BETTER! i did! and then because of that, i'm suffering again...i can't let it happen...i just can't.

how are you? love u 2.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:46pm

Hey Keli. For whatever its worth, I'm sorry for what you're going thru. You are absolutely 100 percent correct, tho, you have to make yourself happy with or without him.

Cut yourself some break. It sounds like maybe you are just in the throes of finding out your marriage is over, for sure. If that's the case, I think you can just relax and grieve for awhile before you set out to set the world on fire...LOL. I've tried to end my marriage several times, each unsuccessfully because my DH and I actually love each other very much. But during those times that I was trying to end the marriage it hurt like an SOB. I felt totally alone in the world and abandoned. And the ending was my choice.

In this case, I assume the ending is HIS choice? Is this just some idle threat or crazy idea he had in the middle of the night or is he actually determined to go thru with this. Any chance at marriage counseling? I'm glad that you found yourself a counselor thru employee assistance. You may already know this, but ivillage has a support board for suviving divorce, under "Relationship Troubles" or something like that. I post on one of those relationship boards regularly but you think I could remember the name now...?

So let's take this slowly, Keli. For right now, work on grief. You don't need a master plan to get better overnight and resolve yourself to the end of this marriage. Just work on YOU. Keep up counseling, take your meds responsibly, if the weather where you are is nice maybe take a walk, eat healthy, drink lots of water and stay the he)) away from alcohol, whatever you do!!!! It's not only a depressant that makes you do some really stupid and regrettable things, but it also prevents your meds from working - double whammy.

Hang in there, and keep us updated. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:53pm

Actually, my marriage ISN'T over...or not...he says not...and that he loves me still very much...just needs a life...so I am very confused...and I haven't ended it...I'm just going to a therapist to learn to deal with the changes in my marriage.

I'm just really confused...and making really SMALL things into really BIG things...

That's dangerous, ya know?

Thanks...love you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 1:32pm

((((keli)))) i have a fairly good idea of just where you're at right now and it sucks. you did the right thing calling your eap. you needed to get better and you did. just because your dh is handling it the way he is you cannot let it undo your progress! i have heard his song before. but guess what hon.......you deserve "a life" too. so meet with this emergency tdoc and go from there. don't let dh undo everything you've worked so hard to repair.


you know how to find me if you need to talk. hang in there k?


love u,


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:13pm

Keli,


I wish I had some wonderful words to "make it all better", but like you told me--do NOT let this bring you down.


Take things slowly and don't make any rash decisions you'll regret later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 10:16pm

like the others said take care of you Keli.....get out for a nice walk look at the pretty flowers and trees....breathe in that fresh air that you don't have in the house....best of luck with your EA...everything will work out for the best, I just know it will ((hugs))