Keli - How did it go last night? Hope

Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Keli - How did it go last night? Hope
3
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 9:09am

you are doing Ok today. Love ya.

Missy

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 12:54pm

Hey Missy...I'm okay. T went okay last night...good actually. I have a lot to work on. Basically, I am to hold on until the bitter end, if there is to be one. I am to use cognitive behavioral skills to protect myself...i have to let go of bitterness, jealousies, anger, negativity, etc., you name it, and be more pleasant at home, at least until it blows up in my face...not give anything any ENERGY to enable it to happen. I dont have tangible proof of anything right now, and NO MATTER WHAT if its going to happen, it will happen whether I have driven myself insane over it or not. So I have exercises to use (HA!) to help me. I cannot make any rash decisions in anger (I do this) I can't make any judgements, I can't let my mind lie to me when something comes up that may be suspicious (all the time...). I have to do meditation, and breathing, use mindfulness skills (from DBT - a borderline personality disorder therapy) and cognitive skills. Its tough. But I'm not crazy, she confirmed it.

I'm also supposed to ask if I can go out with him if he goes out. I know the answer to that one though, no. He is "getting a break".

So, I'm still working on ME. I know who will come out on top in the END. Me. Happens every time. It'll happen again. We all know this. I'm not stupid. I have the real future in store for myself. The good job...my kid almost grown up...FINALLY STABILITY. And he will NOT ruin it...period.

Hoping that using those skills she wants me to use, and going back weekly for a while to her, and then letting nature take its course, I'll be okay. I have no other choice, right? But to be okay?

Now as for you...DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO SEND YOU MIXED SIGNALS EITHER!!! Unless you are STILL taking care of YOU too. k?

Love you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 1:33pm

I am so proud to see you taking care of yourself...pat yourself on the back. (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) from me. It sounds like you have found a great tdoc. She is heading you in the right direction on how to handle things going on with you. She also is giving you coping skills to work on. My tdoc does behavior therapy with me as well and I like it a lot. I have a tendancy to make rash decisions when i am angry too. I am not as bad as I used to be(thank God) but I still have some work to do and my tdoc and I are working on that.


Yes, Keli, you will come out on top and don't forget that. You are so smart and so strong. You are handling this real well. I know you are a mess (aren't we all at times) but still you are working through it and seeking help with a tdoc. Nothing changes, if nothing changes and you are making changes, so, therefore, good things will start happening for you. I am not excited about what you are going through but I am excited about the fact you are on your way to improving yourself in such a possitive way. Now, you will always have ups and downs but hopefully the new coping skills you will learn will help to not make them so dramatic. I was told before, I am not where I want to be but I am on my way. You are on your way.


Love you


Tina

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 1:59pm

"Hoping that using those skills she wants me to use"

Remember, it's YOU that wants to use those skills so that you can get through this without feeling like you are going crazy. It doesn't affect your tdoc one way or the other if you don't use the skills she's teaching you. But I know you can do this. We all have it within us to get these mental monkeys off our backs.

As a veteran CBT student, I loved (and love) it. It's been 15 years since I finished with my "courses" as they called them (can you tell I was very adverse to therapy, but was all about school, lol?), and I still use the techniques all the time. I've really integrated them into my life and I do them without concious thought anymore.