Quick update on the situation here......

Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Quick update on the situation here......
12
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:18am

H has finally made up his mind. He is moving out on Friday. (He is at the fire station until then) I am telling the boys tonight. He will not be doing any more counseling. I am so scared and feel so alone right now. Even though I hate him so much right now, he was my best friend since high school, what am I supposed to do now. I have no job. I don't know what I am going to do. He won't let me move to my parents. I can't afford to stay in our house. I can't stop crying.

Missy

 
 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:29am

he won't let you?

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 11:08am

honey...i'm on the same path with you right now...dh won't do counseling...won't give up his "friend"...and i am stuck there right now, trying to be happy until I can be happy...u CAN do this...

PLEASE call a lawyer...he doesn't just LET you do anything!!! HEAR THAT! you NEED to move to your parents, or he HAS to pay for the house. PERIOD.

I'm so angry with him...and I love you and wish you weren't going through this too.

We WILL be okay, you know that right? My H is my best friend too...since forever. But, you can make NEW best friends...Hang in there, and let us help.

k.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 11:44am

((((((((((((((((((((((((Missy)))))))))))))))))))))))) First of all it's not fair that h is making you tell the boys alone! That said, as a mother who's been there, I can say that right now you need to allow yourself to feel the emotions and NOT feel guilty about doing so. Yes, there are things that you will need to do to provide for you and your children and you will do so resiliently - it just will take time. There are services available to people in this situation and I am confident that you will come out on top. No judge in their right mind will sit for what h is trying to pull. He has to support his kids and, until you can find employment (at least in the state of virginia) he has to support you. grab a phone book and look for a female lawyer who does free consultations. get an appointment with one as soon as possible.


I'm more than willing to help you in any way possible. I know you're hurting really bad right now. But the pain lessens.......trust me. When people divorce you go through the grief process because you are grieving a loss. Allow yourself time to grieve. We're here for you and you can email me anytime at tldalton122103@yahoo.com. You WILL get through this. As much as it may seem impossible right now, it will happen. We are here to help you get through it. Talk to your tdoc too. He/She is going to be crucial right now.


Big Hugs,


Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 9:53pm

it seems like you will have the upper hand if he does move out on Friday......get in touch with a female lawyer and find out your rights/options...i think i remember reading that if he leaves then it is "desertion"

so sorry but if he's not willing to walk through the dark days with you then you will get to those better days without him ((hugs)) I sound brave, but I know I was a basket case
when my H was in the middle of divorce proceedings.....we have worked things out but only through counseling and good friends who are there when we needed them

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 8:26am

Um, Missy, if he's not there, how's he going to stop you moving to your mom's?

Seriously, you do what you need to do to keep yourself together for the kids.

Screw what Mister "For Better of For Worse Except when For Worse is Too Hard For Me" thinks. His opinions is worth, hmmm, oh, about three grains of dirt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 8:29am
Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way. You can do this!!! Please think positive. And... he won't let you........honey, he doesn't have a whole lot of say w/o a lawyer. I'd be telling him, well if I can't go then you will pay for me and the boys to stay here. You can even make him pay for your schooling to get a job. You should not have to tell your boys by yourself. That should be done as PARENTS. Stay strong!!!
 
 
 
 

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 1:24pm

Missy,


I am so sorry you're having to go through this and your husband making you tell the kids alone shows how little of a man he is!

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 4:26pm

I don't have much in the way of advice but wanted to let you know that I had read your post and am with you. Sending lots of hugs and prayers.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 7:52pm

I too cant offer much inthe way of adivce but I can offer my ears to listen and a shoulder to cry on. And if you feel things are getting to hard please all your doc, you have to stay strong for yourself and your kids. You are in my prayers tonight.

Huggs,
jo

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Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 8:06pm

Thank you for all the support. My mom and grandmom are driving out today. Josh came home and packed his things and moved today. I had to tell the kids alone yesterday. I called an attorney yesterday. I have an appointment on Friday. He has his appointment with a different attorney next Friday. He has stopped speaking to me entirely and will only email me any time I leave him a voice mail question (even regarding the kids). He says he will be actively involved with the kids still and I think he may be at first but I do not believe it will last. He was not all that active when he lived here. He left me with no money and only a credit card. He says he will get me some cash when he has some. He says he will continue to pay the bills until I get on my feet. He already has asked me to sell the house, which I won't do until I talk to my attorney. I have involved my pdoc and tdoc as he has joked about using my bp status against me in the past and I want to cover myself. I am trying not to cry in front of the kids but it is soooo hard. I am scared. I am lonely. My sister is here right now playing with them. I am so thankful for that. I don't like being alone at all right now. Donna - I will email you my resume soon. I want to make some more changes to it. I do have it on monster too.

Sorry I can not be more supportive to you right now.

Missy

 
 

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