Any tips for keeping patient with a kid?
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| Tue, 04-25-2006 - 8:40am |
I find myself really coming close to losing it with Ellie lately - she's 3 1/2, but is just now going through the biting/throwing things/asserting her identity 2-3 year old stage.
I KNOW it's normal, and I KNOW she needs to go through this stage developmentally so she'll learn to control her own emotions, but how do I control mine???
We're instituting a strict "no angry hands" policy in our house - both for her and for me.
I've found myself spanking her waaay too often, and it doesn't do any good anymore, anyway. Spanking is for toddlers, not for preschool kids who understand why they aren't supposed to do something.
I'm doing time outs with her (some early success, but not consistent, yet), and taking away beloved toys and TV when appropriate, but it's going to take time. Like everything else with Ellie, I'm sure this stage will last longer than with a typical kid, too. Oh.Yeah.
So, any tips on how to keep my cool without walking away and ignoring the situation? That is my usual method of dealing with rising anger - remove myself from the situation. But I can't do that AND teach Ellie how to calm herself down.
This is sort of an active parenting thing here, and I can't rely upon my mother to take over. One, she's not here until 6:30 pm, and two, she's the world's worst disciplinarian. This is not something she'd be any good at. And I know I could do it better, if I could just keep myself from feeling so angry. I really don't want to go all postal on Ellie - that would be beyond not good and I think I'd hate myself for the next thousand years. Not to mention that it would completely break all trust between the two of us and I don't think I could bear that. That little girl loves me unconditionally, and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize that.
Maybe I should have time-outs, too, lol!

beleive me i know how you feel.i have 3 & i admit i did NOT do it your way.they were little in the midst of my untreated illness & caught the brunt of it.but everyone says they are good kids & they have forgiven any mistakes i have made.
you do not always have to 'teach' her how to calm down...she does need to figure that out on her own.
God could not be everywhere, so
I've got a 2 1/2 year old and an 8 month old, both boys. I hear ya on the frustration!! I was referred by my counselor to a parenting class called "Love and Logic". It's made such a huge difference in our house! Before this class, I was spanking and time-outs all the time (but for like an hour at a time) and yelling, etc. Not good. Really stressful and almost like a war zone. But this class has taught me some very valuable things about how to stay calm but still teach my child to reign himself in. It's about using simple methods to teach your children, even very young children, to manage themselves. The biggest things that's helped has been the Uh-Oh song. Here's how that technique works.
First, have a separate area for a time-out. Make it someplace the child can throw a fit but not hurt themselves or anything or anybody else. Also make it someplace you don't have to directly supervise. (I use a playpen in a different room.) Do not use their bed for this or it can build up bedtime problems.
Second, when