I just don't understand at all...trigs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
I just don't understand at all...trigs?
2
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:10pm
What the heck is wrong with me! I am leaving on a cruise day after tomorrow and I am so depressed I can't stand it. I am actually nervous and upset going into it. I booked it a few weeks ago when I was trying to remain on a high and now I am almost sorry I did. I HATE social situations. I have absolutely no social skills at all and I either come off as pathetic or "nuts". I am afraid this will demand more of me socially than I can give. My fear of people has become so bad I am actually hiding. I am even having trouble leaving the house because I have become so paranoid about looking odd to everyone. My discomfort which has nearly become physical pain, of course makes me look...ODD. Today has gotten very bad. I have been on the verge of tears all day. It is very rare for me to cry because of depression. I normally only cry when I'm angry. Looking at the future really scares me. Is this what I have to forward to? Hiding in the shadows afraid to even be seen for the rest of my life? I just realized that I feel inferior to everyone around me. I don't want to talk to anyone because I know I will look foolish or crazy. I am even having trouble walking down the hall at work if I see someone coming. I think, "do I LOOK crazy??" I don't was to live like this...I would rather die. I can't keep hiding from people. I have been doing it since I was 12 when I suddenly realized how crazy and annoying my behavior was. Before that I was outgoing and bubbly but an absolute PSYCHO. No impulse control AT ALL. I drove everyone around me (even the neighbors) nuts! I cringe with embarrassment when I think of it. I can feel myself blushing when someone looks at me. Lately it has really been intruding on my daily life. Now I am so afraid of looking that darn crazy/stupid again I would rather hide myself in a hole and never come out. Not the way to face it at all but I am too "weak" (and afraid) to try.

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 2:13pm

we have no control over the past anymore...that's why its the past.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 2:35pm

I think you should use this cruise as a time to relax and enjoy yourself. Don't worry about being social. If you don't want to eat meals at the table with other people...just order room service. Maybe later on in the cruise you will feel more like joining others...once you're more comfortable. I'm going to the beach next month, and I can't wait. I love nothing more that sitting on the beach, and just staring at the ocean. It's so calming to me. I hope you have a nice cruise. Try to enjoy yourself.

Renee