My H left me last night...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
My H left me last night...
9
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 11:47am

We both wanted it...but its very heart breaking and I am very sad and very depressed and I'm at work and crying at the drop of a hat. I spent the day yesterday in hysterics, true hysterics, screaming at him, screaming at myself, just screaming. Crying. Whatever. Then finally he put his stuff in his car, clothes and all, then left and went to his mother's. When he left, I felt better, because the horrible stress of it was over. I took enough meds to knock me out at 7...my ds woke me up at 9, went to the store, and we came home and I went back to sleep.

I'm here at work...then H calls this morning, says he has been talking to his mom and its best that he is there with her for a while...she is having a hard time. I say, well, I'm not happy too, so yeah. He says he will get his large stuff when he gets his truck fixed later in a month or so when we get out tax return. He gets half. I said okay, we'll be moving in 2 months. I was crying when I was talking to him too, UGH. I hate that.

I hate this...I didn't ask for this, Its not fair. Now I have to figure out how to live without him, and I don't EVEN know how to start. He has been my best friend and my salvation for so long now, and I don't know how to start...I'm scared, and hurt, and I haven't eaten in days...the thought or sight of food repulses me...I had one piece of toast sometime...I get paid tomorrow, but this is the WORST time, because I have to catch up my rent, and in doing so, I have no money.

I am trying not to blame anyone...even myself.

Things happened the night before, to jump start all this but I just don't have the energy to go into it.

I'll be gone for a while, probably. Maybe not...I don't know anymore what's going on with me...I fought BAD BAD thoughts all day yesterday...my son really stepped up and helped me a lot...he didn't care that his Dad was gone...said he didn't even like him...now Eric is going there today to talk to him...whatever.

Have therapy this afternoon, but what's the point now.?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 12:04pm

The point is so she can help you thru this.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 12:28pm

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your therapist will be able to give you some guidance today.

(((Hugs)))
Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 12:52pm

((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))


I wish I could be there to help support you through this. As you know I know about relationship problems. I know I am not going through Billy and I seperating as of now but I seperated from my x that I was with for 12 yrs. It felt like I was loosing half of myself and I felt so so lost.


Please keep giong to your tdoc. You need it more now then ever. Maybe in time things can work out for you and Eric. But right now you need a break. I know it isn't what you really want. Hopefully this will give you the time to just think about Keli. I know there is NOTHING that I can say to take away your pain. This is a grieving process and it sucks big time. I am here for you. Please check in when you can and let us all know how you are. We all love you very much.


Love You - Tina- Firelightshimmer


I changed my name.

     ~ Tina ~

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 1:42pm
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((keli)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))00
you are so wonderful & you raised such a wonderful boy.see how much he loves you?
we all do
Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 2:40pm

I am so sorry Keli. I know exactly how you feel, trust me. Please go to therapy tonight. I went last night and it did help. I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better but I know I can't. Know that I love you and will do whatever I can to support you. Feel free to email me anytime. We can even just cry together. OK?

Love ya.

Missy

 
 
Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 3:56pm

((((((Keli)))))))


I know it may have been mutual but you still have every right to feel heartbroken and upset about it.


Good for you for not trying to blame yourself.


You will get through this I promise.


Please don't leave us. This is when you need us the most. The same goes for therapy. what's the point? The point is that you can barely hold yourself together and you need to talk about that.


Love and hugs,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 4:29pm

I too am very sorry for all that is going on in your world. I can't off much in advice but I will put you in my prayers tonight and I am here to lend an ear for you. I think the best way to start your new life is one step at a time and one day at a time.

HUGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jo

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 4:42pm
I'm sorry for what you are going thru. Stay strong, you will get thru it.

 
 
 
 

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 10:17pm

(((((((keli))))))) i'm so sorry you're going through this. as for how you will "do this" i can't explain it, but you just will. it's instinctive i think. it hurts and it's hard. i know that but there's just something about being a mom that pushes us to do what needs to be done.


don't stop posting here and don't stop therapy. if you ever needed to vent, it's now. you are going to need support of all kinds and we are here to help give you that support.


as for what precipitated this separation, don't worry about not sharing it with us. if you (or anyone here) knew what brought about my ex and i separating y'all would think i should have been locked away in a padded cell. of course, i was sick and didn't know it at the time, but that's neither here nor there now. when the time is right if you feel like sharing it then we're here to listen. otherwise, just post to vent and let us know how you're doing. and kudos to ds for helping you out.


you will get through this hon. it may be unclear as to how right now, but trust me when i say that. i never thought i'd get through mine and yet i somehow managed.


love u!


traci