Thanks to you all for your support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thanks to you all for your support
6
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 3:08pm

I appreciate you all very much. I am going through very confusing and hurtful times right now and just knowing that you care means a great deal to me. Its been so rough. Eric was my everything. I know now that that was a mistake. But I can't go back and undo it. I have to go through it. He is still at my house every day for this and that, and being that his business is located there, for that as well. He will still kiss me on the cheek, and I still cry my heart out all the time. I hate him, while still loving him, while wishing he would go away completely. I cannot yet tell him this, as I'm just not strong enough yet. I do not know what he is thinking. He did tell me that his mom needs him to stay with her "for a while" but I don't want "for a while". I want for good, because there is no way I see us going back. He changed SO FAST SO MUCH, that I don't see it ever going back to how it was, and I don't see a compromise I will ever be able to live with. He shattered all my trust in him, not with the girl...I have dealt with that before, and that is the LEAST of it. But he shattered my faith in HIM. He promised me that I could be safe with him...that I could be ME, in all of my bipolarity, all of ME with him, and never have to worry...but he lied...he threw it up in my face...maybe that was out of pressure, out of anger, whatever. But he did it, just the same. He promised me he would always be there for me, and he lied about that too. He promised me he would never leave me, that I could always count on him, and he lied about that...I can never ever believe in him again. The girl thing, whether that happened or not, I don't even care...like I said, that isn't my biggest concern. He left me very vulnerable, and alone...something he said he would never do, and I believed him. He got mean, probably in response to things I said to him...but so be it.

Now, he said earlier today he "would be back over later this evening" and I hope he doesn't. I can't take it. I'm going to go home and try to force feed myself, and then go to my room. I won't do that tomorrow. I'm going somewhere...not sure where yet...but somewhere. But tonight, I'm exhausted, and just broken down.

Sunday, I think I may go to the beach.

Just kinda depends on how I am feeling. This getting back into the land of the living is hard work.

Love to you all,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 8:08pm

I put you in my prays last night. I am not good in the advice area but I just wanted you to know that we are all behind you to catch you if you fall or stumble. I do hope you get out this weekend, even if it is for a few hours. At least it will get you away from the house.

Huggs
Jo

[url=http://www.forum-signatures.com][img]http://www.forum-signatures.com/wizard/Sigs/2010/final130219095588.jpg[/img][/url]
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 8:49am

Keli, I too have had you in my thoughts and prayers. Yes, we are all here if you need anything. The thoughts of the beach sound wonderful. I hope you are able to make yourself get out and go. I love to sit on the beach, and just stare at the ocean. It's a great place for me to think. I don't live near the beach, but am going next month...and I can't wait. Try to keep busy this weekend. Take care.

Hugs,
Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 7:31pm

Hey Keli! I hope you've gotten some rest and EATEN something since you posted this.

When I first started posting here, I was going thru something similar - was convinced my marriage was over and hadn't eaten or slept or done anything that normal healthy people to take care of themselves. One word of advise: nothing is going to look "better" if you don't sleep or eat something. Deprivation of either or both is not going to help your outlook. We have a saying in recovery: HALT: never get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Right now, you sound like all of them (maybe not so much angry).

Sorry your family can't be there for you. Wish we members on this board could have a little girls night out with you (frankly, we could probably ALL use it) to cheer you up.

I think that going to the beach sounds awesome. Sometimes looking at the waves and the majesty of the ocean puts things into some perspective. I find the sound calming. Please post with an update and let us know how you're feeling. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Love you, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 10:47pm

I am SO proud of you after talking to you tonight. You sound SO stable, despite what is going on. Thank you for having eaten something so I didn't have to jump on a plane and force feed you myself :) I agree, this really sucks and he is a jerk for doing this to you. But it is what it is...and as you said you have no control over that.

Hang in there and keep taking care of yourself. I think you are making some awesome decisions and being stronger then I was in a similar situation!

I am SO honored and proud to have you for a friend :)
T

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 9:05am
Hey friend! Just checking in on you. I was thinking about you last night and said a prayer. Now, how about some waffles?!?!?! Have you been eating and sleeping??? Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 9:50am
ooh can i have a waffle?maybe 2?
keli..i am proud of you.it's a lousy thing youre going thru & you are showing remarkable class.