i think i have decided(major trigs)
Find a Conversation
i think i have decided(major trigs)
| Sat, 04-29-2006 - 9:52pm |
to off myself after this show is done.(4 weeks)
i'm not saying this for attention.
i'm sick sick sick of all of it & there is nothing to look foward to.
i am the perfect candidate for suicide.
i'm fat fat fat ugly "shocking" i'm old i'm ugly i can't do anything with my hair either
i was pretty once & now it's gone.i'm the woman i swore i would never be. & it's a chore to get dressed & to no avail at all.thanks to my wonderful meds i diet every day & get fatter & fatter.
the house is falling apart & no one will fix it.i could care less.
my kids are falling apart & i can't fix that either.it's my own fault.
my husband called an impromptu dinner party & everyone was talking bout when they met..i watched my own h get so drunk he couldn't talk.
tomorrow he'll treat me like a queen while i seethe.
i have never had or been to a party that he doesn't get loaded.
he wants me to love him but i find him disgusting.
i'm disgusting.
no one else will ever love me.
i'm gone.
i'm not saying this for attention.
i'm sick sick sick of all of it & there is nothing to look foward to.
i am the perfect candidate for suicide.
i'm fat fat fat ugly "shocking" i'm old i'm ugly i can't do anything with my hair either
i was pretty once & now it's gone.i'm the woman i swore i would never be. & it's a chore to get dressed & to no avail at all.thanks to my wonderful meds i diet every day & get fatter & fatter.
the house is falling apart & no one will fix it.i could care less.
my kids are falling apart & i can't fix that either.it's my own fault.
my husband called an impromptu dinner party & everyone was talking bout when they met..i watched my own h get so drunk he couldn't talk.
tomorrow he'll treat me like a queen while i seethe.
i have never had or been to a party that he doesn't get loaded.
he wants me to love him but i find him disgusting.
i'm disgusting.
no one else will ever love me.
i'm gone.

Suz,
I know exactly how you feel. I've been there too. Thankfully, I didn't follow through with my plans.
Do not hesitate, do not think about it, do NOT wait to see what tomorrow brings. Go To The Hospital NOW. Call your pdoc and leave a message that you are going in. Then GO.
You will live to know that you will never regret it. There are things to improve EVERYTHING you feel is wrong in your life.
Go NOW.
Tracey
ps If you want to talk, please email me at th305899@yahoo.com with your phone number and I will call you. Nothing is ever bad enough that there isn't an alternative to death. Death is forever. You would never get to see your children grow up, get married, have families of their own...and they would miss you EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THEIR LIVES.
suzi i agree with tracey. go to the hospital NOW!!! i, too, have been on the brink of offing myself and it was my kids that kept me here when nothing else seemed to matter. even when i thought i had messed them up beyond repair. fact is, my kids need me just as your kids NEED you! there are solutions to your dilemmas. exactly what those solutions are i can't say, but with the proper help you will find them. let the docs help you.
as for your h getting drunk at the party, i can relate. while my ex didn't drink much, my parents were/are both alcoholics and there was seldom a special occasion spent sober by either one of them. i know how it makes you feel. but don't take ownership for that. focus on you getting well. let your h embarrass himself 'cause that's all he's doing.
you are worth being helped. you deserve the help. don't think for a second you aren't. we love you here and your kids love you. you can email me too at tldalton122103@yahoo.com. just please hang in there and keep us posted on how you are doing.
hugs,
traci
Suzi...you know what I am going through...I watch it every day and I want to die every day...but I still realize that no matter HOW much pain I'm in every second of every FREAKING day, there is still hope for me. Yes, I'm fat now...But, that CAN be changed. I asked my H last night, why its so dang easy for him now, to just walk in and out of my life like its nothing? He says he just doesn't worry about things he has no control over. WTF ever is what I say to that.
You're not TOO OLD and you need your meds CHANGED or ADJUSTED QUICKLY! PLEASE. We CAN do this...we CAN!
Hugs,
Keli