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| Thu, 05-04-2006 - 9:29am |
Well Dh's ex never called, I expected that. I emailed her and my stepson too. Dh even called as well. SO I will be on the phone again tonight trying to get things in order. I guess I am a lil compulsive about things once I get it in my head, like there is room in there....LMAO But I do have to say I do get along with Dh's ex. We have never fought or been nasty in the 10yr dh and I ahve been together. She asked me why I was nice to her yrs ago and I told her that you never did anything to me not yet so I have no reason to hate or not like you. What you and DH had is your own luggage not mine. I also told her if you put me in the situation then thats a different story. She agrees and was thankful. I guess thats why we get along. But dont get me wrong I really dont like her nor agree with alot of things she does but she doesnt know. Its my opinion. And I also told her its about the lil one not us adults. We need to make it the best situation for him so he gorws up feeling loved at both houses and not feeling in the middle. He needs to grow up unaffected by this( as much as possible) so that he can see divorce isn's so bad. And that although the parents have their differences they can be adults about it, well at least in front of the child anyway.
When I first got with Dh he would say things about his ex in front of the lil one. I put a stop to that casue it only makes the child feel worse and will eventually they will not want to be around the one who is saying the negtavie things. I do think of the lil one as my own since I can never have kids so I am protective of him. But I am a product of divorce and my parents never put us in the middles, never said things about the other infront of us and always gave us full acess to the other parent no matter what the courts said. After all they were both my parents and they were loving to me and caring. But I turned out ok and actually gat a better relatinship with my dad after they divorced. So I gained something. They loved each other just couldnt live together anymore. I am a firm beliver that parents can screw up kids during a divorce not the divorce its self, if its not done right.
Any way I totally got off track as usual...lmao and put nothing in here that I wanted and now its too long. SO I will post again a lil later. Hope you all have a great day, I have windows to clean....YIPPY!!!....NOT.
Huggs,
Jo

Jo,
You have such a great outlook when it comes to dealing with dh's ex. That was the same approach I used with my ex when we had to deal with his first ex. He was constantly running her down and none of the kids liked it. Of course, our divorce, unfortunately, was different. He would goad me into an argument when he knew the kids were in the room and then tell me very smugly not to yell at him in front of his children. And it was like that for a long time. Then I'd have to explain to the kids that just because mommy and daddy weren't getting along didn't mean that daddy loved them any less...that he still loved them very much. Of course, that is turning out to be true for only 2 of the 3 kids - but that's for a different post. LOL.
Hugs,
Traci