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| Mon, 05-08-2006 - 6:05pm |
ONce again i am frustrated and pissed at DBF. HE asked me to help him with his costumes for a show he is in and i did it. Then today when i told him what he wanted wasn't going to work and he keep insisting it would work his way-- i let him prove him self wrong and it ripped the delicate work on the front like i knew it would. His show opens this friday and the entore production has been a nightmare for both of us. BUt more importantly i DON"T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT! and he doesn't understand. There are things he is better at than i am and well i am better and building things. And since i am not working i feel like i OWE him.
My gripe is this is ALWAYS how my life goes. i let people talk me into working on projects i don't want to do only to be ignored or listened to then disregarded. I spent hours on this costume for him and i already made the repair, but what i want ot know is WHY do i keep putting myself out there.
I am beginning to think that just because i am good at something doesn't mean i should do it. I mean i am good and getting drunk but i don't do that. Why is this different.
I have spent years of my life building costumes for people that don't understand that sometimes there is just no way to get exactly what they want. I am ready to hang up my sewing machine and find a new outlet for my work something that is JUST for me. but how will i pay my bills how will i survive with out income.
I want to through all my art stuff out the window!

i,personally,don't feel you should ever feel you OWE anyone.if it's your affliction then it's something you need to work on,but DO NOT EVER allow anyone to make YOU feel that way!
okay???????
anyway you deserve big big points living with an actor.
you're a better woman than i am.i could never do it.
besides if his show is opening this fri...remember his judgement is impaired.you'll either have to be scarce during the inevitable diva fits or do your best to put up with them.
he's asking for your help b/c he trusts you BUT you'd do best for yourself to get out of the way before he undoes it.
sorry it's the best i could do.
your desire not to get involved at all struck a chord.
sometimes what we do best has the most emotional investment,you know?
OH boy do I know what you mean. I would do the same thing, putting my self out there for things I didn't want to do. An get nothing in return. But thru sessions with my tdoc I had learned how to say now or some up with something that would get me out of it. I still do put my self out for some things but I am no where as bad as I was. Once poeple started hearing no from me or some other excuese they stoped asking. And when I offered on my own terms they seemed to be more greatful. But It took me a long time to get there. But with hard work I did. Sorry I couldn't be more help to you. I wish you luck and keep on sewing. It seems to be a lost art these days.
Huggs,
jo
SuziQ thanks so much!
He is normally not like this. he is usually very gracious and thankful. BUt i think it is this show ( which has been a night mare because he is the ONLY performer in it that make a living performing everyone else is pretty much still working day jobs.)
going to try and get some much needed sleep tonight.
christine
I had a client tell me once that i have some "need to please" that is really great. I think it is a need to no disappoint. either way it is the worst to fell obligated because i believe i am talented at creating costumes, and on some level i should be willing to "share that gift".
I just meet a women out here that is interested in me building 20+ costume for her upcoming show and i can tell you that the entire meeting all i could think about is I don't want to do this i don't want to do this. it was terrible.
I need to get a grip.
thanks for you words of encouragement! it does help.
christine