Keli.......
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| Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:55pm |
hi keli baby girl...
miss you babes, seems like we havent talked in so long.
i am so miserable. so exhausted. cant get enough sleep no matter when i go to bed. work is awful, panic attacks, i havent felt this bad for months. i feel so sick, i cant even eat when i want to.
ive been following along with your posts. you sounded a bit better today. that's great you're moving at hte endof the month. the sooner the better, then you won't have to see him as much , or HER...the "yo"-bag at all.
traci's right about getting the protection from a judge, just in case. you need to put mike first. eventually you'll get angry at him, and you'll need to have something in place at that point in case he tries to pull anything then. that was the worst when bill and i got to the point where we were fighting fighting, and broke down communications. then he started getting greedy. ugh, good times. but with mike, you don't want to wait until it's too late.
keep on trying to separate yourself from him. he's got a hold on you, and is manipulating you to where he wants you. he's got the best of both worlds right now. and everytime you take his calls, and call him, his guilt is absolved over and over in his mind. doesnt that just piss you off? go ahead, get mad. you have every right to.
love you sweetie. if you need me, you know where to find me.

hey honey...miss you too, so much...not many minutes left on my phone, so i can't go to Y much...call me though, after 9...
i'm getting very angry...and then i get angry at myself, because i cry every single time i think of it...i hate him. i never wanted to, but i so totally do. he's done some really bogus stuff and he won't admit it...now he is not calling, and lying to me about freaking calling. i'm done...i don't want to hear from him...he had two guys come by yesterday regarding his business and i took the stuff, but i want him to come get it...and i can't wait to move...the place we looked at fell through...but we'll find something else in the next couple of weeks...omg, i hate him. he freaking tried to destroy me!!!! but guess what? he did not. he will not. i'll stop crying, eventually...i saw a very old high school friend/sweetheart yesterday who is like family friends with all of us...Eric included. But he doesn't like Eric very much becuz of all the stuff he's put me through my whole life...it was good to see him and get some reality put on the situation. The reality lasted til this morning...but he is going to call me later. Do you know that Eric told me Chris got married? He didn't. WTF is up with that? I just need to get away from myself for a while...not dissociate...tdoc worked with me on that...i have to FEEL every freaking stupid feeling...and i am...but i have to get out there again....I really need to have some fun...
Eric is going to SO regret this...and i told him that. Now he isn't calling me, guess cuz he doesn't want to hear the truth...but dang it, when is it my turn to talk? He said everything, he DID everything and now I have to shut my dang mouth and just accept it without a word, because HE needs to be happy. So Freaking What. But at this point...I don't care if he ever calls me again. Let them deteriorate together. It always happens...the last time he did this, it happened...and i picked up the pieces of his life for him. Bump that.
As for seeing a judge, etc., I don't know what to do, or how to do it, or even if I can do it...he makes no money as it is. NONE. What he makes, is VERY LITTLE. My kid is almost 16 years old...we've made it this far without him...we don't need him. Mike hates him too, and that hurts, but Eric has done this to himself. He will regret that one day too.
God dang it, I hate being so freaking sensitive...why can't I be a witch, like other women...and stop all this freaking crying???? Ugh.
Call me.
Love you too.
Keli