stranded in my room!
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stranded in my room!
| Fri, 05-12-2006 - 12:26pm |
oh i hate my life right now.i emailed my doc about my husband claiming i'm manic & he emailed me back saying..ok..no problems then?
huh???
so my h leaves for work dripping w/ depression & i personally don't give a rat's behind.i get yet another call from a creditor & finally offer my h to get him out of the whole he dug for me(previous post)cheered HIM up,altho i beleive he said no thanks.doesn't matter.this time he'd HAVE to pay me back.
back to being stranded.if this wasn't enough & there are other things too but on the whole they are just annoyances i have to deal with....
mr. happily married lover from my manic days who somehow has the talent for making ME feel guilty saying no to HIM,calls.when i don't answer,he comes to my house & rings the bell.when i don't answer he tries the side door bell...this goes on for an HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!i couldn't leave my room i couldn't go near the windows & even if he wasn't here to try to talk his way in my door & cure me of all my ills with the gift of him(mind you this is just a booty call...he doesn't LIKE me)i'm so tired of saying NO i'd rathereither send my h to answer the door(were he home)or answer it myself with a pistol in my hand.
i hate hate hate hate drop ins anyway.my hair is in rollers for my show tonite & i don't even feel like answering for the ups man.what's the point in ringing my bell for an hour?
i can't even tell my shrink about this b/c she wants me to sic my h on him.
i certainly don't feel like broaching the subject of sex w/ my h!
i'm hating the way people treat me & the only time i handle it right is when i ignore it.
huh???
so my h leaves for work dripping w/ depression & i personally don't give a rat's behind.i get yet another call from a creditor & finally offer my h to get him out of the whole he dug for me(previous post)cheered HIM up,altho i beleive he said no thanks.doesn't matter.this time he'd HAVE to pay me back.
back to being stranded.if this wasn't enough & there are other things too but on the whole they are just annoyances i have to deal with....
mr. happily married lover from my manic days who somehow has the talent for making ME feel guilty saying no to HIM,calls.when i don't answer,he comes to my house & rings the bell.when i don't answer he tries the side door bell...this goes on for an HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!i couldn't leave my room i couldn't go near the windows & even if he wasn't here to try to talk his way in my door & cure me of all my ills with the gift of him(mind you this is just a booty call...he doesn't LIKE me)i'm so tired of saying NO i'd rathereither send my h to answer the door(were he home)or answer it myself with a pistol in my hand.
i hate hate hate hate drop ins anyway.my hair is in rollers for my show tonite & i don't even feel like answering for the ups man.what's the point in ringing my bell for an hour?
i can't even tell my shrink about this b/c she wants me to sic my h on him.
i certainly don't feel like broaching the subject of sex w/ my h!
i'm hating the way people treat me & the only time i handle it right is when i ignore it.

Hey honey!
Guess what...I JUST got off the phone with my ex manic days love of my life from high school who I've somehow managed to start up a sexual thing with again too, and now I HATE that I did it...I mean, yeah, its a distraction for me, but a bad distraction in a weird sort of way.
I don't know HOW I get myself into these things. Now I'm all messed up...like I really needed THAT! :)
Ugh.
So what do I do? Do I go meet him after work, or do I go home alone to a dark house I hate? If I meet him after work, its PURELY sexual, and then I really leave feeling worse than better, but at least its something to do. And yesterday was a disaster...I was VERY depressed...so I sent him text messages (Chris I mean) saying make me feel better, etc., and he was totally thrown...ugh. I hate myself sometimes...a lot of the time.
Yes, I'm crazy. I told you guys...nobody believed me. Eric kept me calmer, more sane...truly. Now the freaking fool has gone and left me to my own devices and that is so not good. I just went riding all over town on my lunch break to "see who I could find". WTF.
Why can't I just be...? Why can't I just be alone?
Chris is not married...but he does have a woman...I think...I know...we haven't TALKED for gods sake...I am so stupid.
And we have SUCH history...this has been going on for almost 20 years now...give or take a few years, like the last few...
If I go home...I'm going to sit there, and cry...lay there and cry...feel very sorry for myself...but if I go see Chris, I'm going to feel horribly worse, because its just WORSE! But I've started something now...
Stupid!!!
Suz:
Wish I had some advice on the bill collectors, but as for the guy that keeps dropping by for a booty call - next time he calls, answer and tell him that you aren't interested and to stop contacting you or you will have the police intervene. Then HANG UP. Do not give him a chance to speak. When he shows up at your house, do NOT answer the door. Pick up the phone, call 911 and explain that there is a person at your door that you have asked NOT to come over and who will not go away. He is harrassing you. They will show up and deal with him.
Hope the show goes well - hang in there.
you know what mine said when i told him what we're doing makes me feel bad?
he said..how could climaxing make you feel bad?
that's why i ignore him.
you'd think my h would be able to get me in bed by arguing.
funny.doesn't work for him.