Missy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Missy
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 8:12am

Hey honey...no, I'm not having any easier of a time with this either...I had a horrible weekend too...I heard not one word from him, except that on Saturday he would bring me money...he never did. I never heard another word. I hate him. And the really messed up thing, is that I have to wake up every morning, still loving him. That's my reality.

I'm trying to move on. I found a townhouse to rent at the end of this month, if it all works out. Please pray for me that it does. He won't have a key to that one. I've had an encounter with an exboyfriend of mine, that went okay, but I cried like a baby later. Too soon. I may have a dinner date sometime this week. We will see how that goes this week.

I really really am still in shock over the fact that all of this happened even. I said last night to myself, in a fit of tears and anger, HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME? How could he leave me alone like this?

But, I do this that every day, a tiny tiny tiny bit, it gets a little better maybe...even though on some days we don't feel it.

I hate him. I can't say that enough. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. There is NO figuring it out. Its done, and WE DID NOTHING WRONG. I just can't get that through my head though. Still feels like my fault...though I know its not. He just manipulated me into believing that, and THAT is what I cannot believe in. That he would do that to me intentionally.

You gotta hang in there with me, okay? I cry every day, more than once...and its okay. One day, it will be done.

I love you!

Keli