I have a very serious and very
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| Wed, 05-24-2006 - 11:25am |
scary, to me, question to ask.
How do you know if you are losing your grip on reality? I know that I am having a rough time right now and that h is still trying to control me, but he has been saying some things have or have not happened that I remember very differently. I am beginnining to feel like maybe something is not right with me. I don't feel any different, am I supposed to? Am I imagining things? Am I not thinking clearly and don't even realize it? Is it just his way of controling me? I have started journaling as of yesterday, but what do I do in the meantime. I am scared. I want to believe that the things I believe are real but what if they are not? Most of the things that I am questioning though are things between him and I, so it would be easy for him to put his spin on things and make me feel this way. But then again, I have a mental illness, whats to say it is not me.
Please help.
Missy


Missy,
It could very easily be that he's playing head games with you--especially since all the questionable things deal with him.
Missy...
OMG...i hate him.
First of all...you are NOT crazy. You are still very much sane, and HE IS MESSING WITH YOU! He is controlling and abusive (sorry, but he is...and he abused you long before now...i am sorry to have to say that). This is more of the same!!!
Journal EVERYTHING. I'm serious. Write down EVERYTHING you do when he is around.
Talk to your pdoc and/or tdoc about this, enlist their help. You may have to tell them of the former emotional abuse you were under when you were living with him.
He's playing games with you hon...and it could get worse. You need an appt with your pdoc, to see if you need an increase in your meds, so you can be as stable as POSSIBLE right now. Maybe the Cymbalta isn't working on your depression, as you are STILL in the depths of it. Have you tried Wellbutrin SR? Maybe ask to add something to the Cymbalta to supplement it for a while. You're very depressed, and right now you do NOT need to be so depressed while you are having to deal with that JERKO (god I hate him) and his games.
You are NOT losing it. If you have to, say it out loud to your self (but not while he is there, :) But get it through to yourself, okay?
You're on the right track, and honey when this is over, I pray that it will be over and you can move on. I wish you could move with your mom. Have you talked to your atty about that at all?
Love you and let me know if you need me.
Keli
it's not you & he can do it BECAUSE you have an illness.
don't pay any attention
he's screwing with you because he knows he can...don't let him, he'll just keep doing it.
as far as him not allowing you to go out of state...not sure.
God could not be everywhere, so
((((((((((((((Missy))))))))))))))))) Oh sweetie, I totally agree with what everyone else has said. It sounds like he's playing you like a finely tuned instrument. Journaling is an excellent idea and as someone suggested, document EVERYTHING. You may think it's not important now, but chances are pretty good that it will be during the proceedings.
I also agree that you need to get in with your pdoc and/or tdoc asap. You are going to need some shoring up to deal with all of this. That's partly why my tdoc is still seeing me even if it's only for 15 minutes a week, she's keeping tabs on me so that if I start to spiral out of control she's there to reel me back in. And your pdoc can adjust your meds and get you on something that will help with the depression.
Hang in there sweetie and know we're here for you. Keep us posted.
Hugs & Love,
Traci
Thanks for all the support yesterday. I met with tdoc last night who also assured me that I am not going crazy. I have an appointment with pdoc next week and if I am still not able to shake all the depression I will talk to her about changing meds again.
I also found an email contradicting what h was telling me I was making up. So that was reassuring. I have asked him to email me anything he has to ask me/tell me that he is either extremely forgetful or purposely playing head games.
Gotta go, the little ones are waking up. Anyone want an 11 year old, he came home yesterday with serious attitude problems that he still has not shaken. OMG what am I going to do when he hits the teen years? He flat out refused to do something I told him to do and is just way over the top right now.
God could not be everywhere, so