Tdoc visit tonight - I will not chicken!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Tdoc visit tonight - I will not chicken!
8
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 1:58pm

Hi everyone! I hope everyone's Memorial was, well, memorable! Sorry, when I'm nervous, I revert to cornpone! Couldn't sleep at all last night because I was "rehearsing my lines" to my very own, brand new (to me) tdoc. Peg gave me the fantastic idea of writing stuff down to better communicate. For me, it is easier than spitting it out. I have a huge fear about medications. I seem to be able to drink as I like but one Sudafed and I am down for the count. That, and my job goes at 90 mph. I think the only reason I am good at it is because of the mania (I am completely convinced that one boss, out of 3 - yes three of them! - is BP and he's pretty hardcore). So if I get shaky hands or sleepy or slow down then will it kill my job? Or is this a clever way of my brain trying to talk me out of getting help? My mantra for this afternoon is: I will not chicken!

Fingers Crossed, Kelli





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Avatar for peg_t
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 4:35pm
Kelli,
You will do great tonight, you will NOT chicken out, you will write down every last concern you have, no matter how trivial it may seem to you (it may be important to your tdoc) and you will graciously hand the information over to her when you get there (not right before you leave, either ;-).
It's funny you said something about how the manai helps at work. I was just telling dh last night, "why would I want to medicate this side of my illness, look how much work I got done around the house this weekend!" I told him that as long as I don't go on major spending sprees, or psychotic, if it ain't broke, don't fix it! I was nuts this weekend: my husband thought he came home to a new house after taking ds to the races, it was really bad, or really good if you consider all I got done! I told tdoc about it today and she said I really need to go to a pdoc to get some meds that will take care of the excess energy, racing thoughts, and lack of sleep. Quite honestly, I don't want to...that is the one thing I enjoy, usually. It got a little out of hand this weekend, I really pushed my body...it's funny how your brain can override physical fatigue.
Anyway, good luck tonight, I know you have the strength and courage to do what you know is right. You will feel wonderful after taking that first step! Let us know how it went, please!
Hugs,
Peg
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 4:40pm

good luck...don't chicken out, its not bad...this is a GOOD thing !!!


let us know how it goes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:40pm
Hi Peg! Well, I didn't chicken. It was a little bewildering though. She seemed very nice and all and we mostly covered background due to 1st visit. I didn't have time to write anything down before so I was pretty scattered and jumping around all over the place, dates, places, times. When I left and set another appointment, I asked her if my diagnosis was wrong because it was so long ago and she said I "didn't necessarily have BP" and "that had it had been overdiagnosed in the 80's" and perhaps I was "BP2" - I don't even know there were numbers for them! That we'd have to "further explore it". WTF? What does that mean??? Apparently a spending spree of $200 when we had NO money and checks bounced didn't qualify? A long ago suicide attempt? I mean, I am confused. So I am normal? I didn't have time to get into as it was all at the end. She said it just seemed I wasn't manic nor depressed - just overwhelmed. No duh! I decided I would go a second time and say look, if I'm not BP then I don't need to be here. I guess I keep looking for magic to happen and it's not going too.
Hugs Back, Kelli





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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 4:03pm
Ok, so forget before message because I emailed tdoc that I don't need her therapy. For some reason I am really, really, really furious because I feel dismissed by that whole casual attitude and ESPECIALLY that "overdiagnosed in the 80s" quote. I must go to a quiet place now.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 4:09pm
it might take them more then one time of seeing you...they like to be sure before they throw out a dx and start meds....email them back and tell them you are going for the 2nd one.
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Avatar for peg_t
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 5:21pm

Hi Kelli,
First of all, I'm glad you didn't chicken out last night. Second, please take the time to write down all of the things you feel are symptoms for you. Maybe if she sees your concerns, she will be more prepared to understand your position. I've been with my tdoc for over a year and she still hasn't given me a dx of bp yet. We talk about it a lot, she says "you are depressed", "you sound manic", etc. but the dx she uses for insurance is PTSD. I understand your frustration but I guess my point is I'd really be surprised to get a firm dx on the first visit. I know it is what you were looking for and I'm sorry you are disappointed and frustrated.

I hope that you cool off a little and reconsider going back to see her next week. You may want to tell her just what you told us: that you are really annoyed with her response and her phrase of BP being overdiagnosed in the 80's. Use your energy to plead your case. Sit down now while your are thinking about all the reasons she should dx you BP. Write them down; it doesn't matter if they are in the correct order or anything (I have blocked out so much of my past I have no clue when some things have happened). Email her that information.

Hugs,
Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:22am

Kelli,


Be glad your tdoc wants to take a 2nd look at your dx, that is a sign of a caring & cautious doc!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 1:46pm

In listening (reading) everyone, I have decided to give it another shot. She did email me back and said:
"Oh, please don't quote me about not needing therapy - as I don't think that I ever even hinted at that. Also, please remember that we talked about Bipolar II disorder being a possibility. I simply said that I didn't see any clear symptoms of Bipolar (meaning Bipolar I). You might do some research into this. I apologize if I led you to believe that there were no issues here to deal with in therapy. If your conclusion is that you only need help if your are Bipolar (I) but think that Bipolar II or Cyclothymia are not a problem, then I understand - as it is your decision to make. I don't agree, but I understand."
So I am going to keep my appointment, but I am also going to see the other one and just see. One of the things I don't like (please, I am really not this whiny IRL!) is that she has an office in a big building full of single offices so if you arrive early, you have to sit on a bench in the hall - lined with 20 other business offices! It's a little uncomfortable. A little "exposed" for me. But I am trying to get over myself, honest! Thanks for everyone for their advice! Kelli





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