Tdoc visit tonight - I will not chicken!
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| Tue, 05-30-2006 - 1:58pm |
Hi everyone! I hope everyone's Memorial was, well, memorable! Sorry, when I'm nervous, I revert to cornpone! Couldn't sleep at all last night because I was "rehearsing my lines" to my very own, brand new (to me) tdoc. Peg gave me the fantastic idea of writing stuff down to better communicate. For me, it is easier than spitting it out. I have a huge fear about medications. I seem to be able to drink as I like but one Sudafed and I am down for the count. That, and my job goes at 90 mph. I think the only reason I am good at it is because of the mania (I am completely convinced that one boss, out of 3 - yes three of them! - is BP and he's pretty hardcore). So if I get shaky hands or sleepy or slow down then will it kill my job? Or is this a clever way of my brain trying to talk me out of getting help? My mantra for this afternoon is: I will not chicken!
Fingers Crossed, Kelli

You will do great tonight, you will NOT chicken out, you will write down every last concern you have, no matter how trivial it may seem to you (it may be important to your tdoc) and you will graciously hand the information over to her when you get there (not right before you leave, either ;-).
It's funny you said something about how the manai helps at work. I was just telling dh last night, "why would I want to medicate this side of my illness, look how much work I got done around the house this weekend!" I told him that as long as I don't go on major spending sprees, or psychotic, if it ain't broke, don't fix it! I was nuts this weekend: my husband thought he came home to a new house after taking ds to the races, it was really bad, or really good if you consider all I got done! I told tdoc about it today and she said I really need to go to a pdoc to get some meds that will take care of the excess energy, racing thoughts, and lack of sleep. Quite honestly, I don't want to...that is the one thing I enjoy, usually. It got a little out of hand this weekend, I really pushed my body...it's funny how your brain can override physical fatigue.
Anyway, good luck tonight, I know you have the strength and courage to do what you know is right. You will feel wonderful after taking that first step! Let us know how it went, please!
Hugs,
Peg
good luck...don't chicken out, its not bad...this is a GOOD thing !!!
let us know how it goes
God could not be everywhere, so
Hugs Back, Kelli
God could not be everywhere, so
Hi Kelli,
First of all, I'm glad you didn't chicken out last night. Second, please take the time to write down all of the things you feel are symptoms for you. Maybe if she sees your concerns, she will be more prepared to understand your position. I've been with my tdoc for over a year and she still hasn't given me a dx of bp yet. We talk about it a lot, she says "you are depressed", "you sound manic", etc. but the dx she uses for insurance is PTSD. I understand your frustration but I guess my point is I'd really be surprised to get a firm dx on the first visit. I know it is what you were looking for and I'm sorry you are disappointed and frustrated.
I hope that you cool off a little and reconsider going back to see her next week. You may want to tell her just what you told us: that you are really annoyed with her response and her phrase of BP being overdiagnosed in the 80's. Use your energy to plead your case. Sit down now while your are thinking about all the reasons she should dx you BP. Write them down; it doesn't matter if they are in the correct order or anything (I have blocked out so much of my past I have no clue when some things have happened). Email her that information.
Hugs,
Peg
Kelli,
Be glad your tdoc wants to take a 2nd look at your dx, that is a sign of a caring & cautious doc!
In listening (reading) everyone, I have decided to give it another shot. She did email me back and said:
"Oh, please don't quote me about not needing therapy - as I don't think that I ever even hinted at that. Also, please remember that we talked about Bipolar II disorder being a possibility. I simply said that I didn't see any clear symptoms of Bipolar (meaning Bipolar I). You might do some research into this. I apologize if I led you to believe that there were no issues here to deal with in therapy. If your conclusion is that you only need help if your are Bipolar (I) but think that Bipolar II or Cyclothymia are not a problem, then I understand - as it is your decision to make. I don't agree, but I understand."
So I am going to keep my appointment, but I am also going to see the other one and just see. One of the things I don't like (please, I am really not this whiny IRL!) is that she has an office in a big building full of single offices so if you arrive early, you have to sit on a bench in the hall - lined with 20 other business offices! It's a little uncomfortable. A little "exposed" for me. But I am trying to get over myself, honest! Thanks for everyone for their advice! Kelli