Reframing my thoughts all afternoon...
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| Fri, 03-04-2011 - 7:36am |
Hi all
So many posts in the last few days- I will look and respond on the weekend.
In the meantime I had to just vent a bit. I have one friend who knew about my A. He isnt a great friend and I havent spoken to him in many months. We had a nice catch up today and I told him my A was over. His response sort of surprised me- he said that he had an affair many years ago and he was sad when it ended as he lost a great friend, a great lover and someone who he had shared great inyimacy with.
This bothered me all afternoon and i thought yes- thats why Im so sad, I lost a friend and lover. This thought made me sad all afternoon thinking 'woe is me' type thoughts, I'll never have that again- blah bah. It was like I was in complete fantasy land.
But I literally stopped in my tracks and said

Xoxo
Alwayst
Great work on shooting that fantasy out of the sky (I'm picturing you as an Athena-like warrior with your bow and arrow in hand.)
Sunshine and smiles
Kat.
hahaha yeah thats me- Athena :)
Will maybe I am 2 Athena's glued together :)
But yes my effort so far in healing has been to actively challenge my thinking and seriously MAKE myself stop living a fantasy.
I think my biggest issue is that exAP 'looked' the part of what I expected the perfect lover to be. He was handsome, suave, alpha, rich- all the things that my heart has fantasised about since I was a little girl. So I took the 2 dimensional image and added a fantastical 3rd dimension. I made him warm, loving, caring, sensual.... but I deliberatively ignored his coldness, discourteous actions, lousy sex and the many many times he put himself first.
LOL what's with xAP's and the names of our children? ;-)
"uhhh uhh.. hello Isabel... " Isabel????? a nice name, but not the name of my child!!
V888
Thank you for that post my dear, from the bottom if my heart cuz all those things you said are exactly what I need to think when my head starts going down that pain.