Running here for help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Running here for help!
6
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 7:04pm

Oh God!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 7:09pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 7:18pm

BREATHE!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 8:11pm

((Sunrise))

I hope you have calmed down a little since you posted this. You are not thinking straight, honey, and you need to get a grip.

The last time you saw him you both ended up upset and he drove away abruptly, remember? So think about it. Why would he let you know he was there? He is finally respecting your wishes and most likely did not want any sort of scene. I am sure he was very uncomfortable having to go to your place of employment as you would be if the shoe were on the other foot. Your not knowing he was there was the best case scenario. I mean, look at how you are reacting after the fact?

Yes, it hurts like hell when we finally realize that this is it; the A is over and there is no turning back. Your ego has taken a huge hit but you need to put this into perspective. He did what he needed to do, and that was get in and get out of there as quietly and quickly as he could.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 9:24pm
Dear Sunrise,

I hope too that by the time you read this message, you have found your footing again. What is in the past, is in the past. YOU can make choices about how you're feeling, you need to concentrate on re-framing and re-focusing on just - right - now. The safety of your home, and the dignity in your choices.

I agree with Iddy, he did what was the in the best interest of the ENDING of the affair. It is over Sunrise. IT IS OVER. That means no more. NO MORE. NO MORE. You don't miss him. You're seeking/craving validation from him, and him avoiding you was a sure sign that he isn't going to give it to you anymore. And you're angry that he's cut his supply off. YOU'RE angry because you're hurt and feel wounded. You are just beginning the healing process Sunrise, and remembering that going NC is just the beginning of the journey is important. The other parts of this process, will be the acceptance of the affair for what it was. JUST AN AFFAIR.

You/We/They were not irreplaceable soul mates who came into our lives for a reason. They were the symptom of deeper issues going on in our lives, and instead of taking the more difficult & dignified route of actually choosing to face our realities, we held-up in some dark scary cave with another person just as cowardly and damaged as ourselves. You daughter has struggled *and overcome addiction* ... it's your turn to show courage in the face of fear. You are craving a fix, you're craving your drug of choices, and it's gone. So now what Sunrise?

" Clarity….it’s here. And I am very sad. Sad that I engaged in that behavior and became someone else. Why? For attention; simply for attention. Some people will do anything to get that attention. And it was fun. (Say what? FUN? Are you kidding me?) Really down today. And I think I just have to sit in this right now. The only way out is to go through it. I pray I can get to the other side and love myself again.

I PRAY that A’s will not affect my two beautiful young adult daughters’ lives in any way. May they NEVER be a BS or the OW. I pray for that."

You're fortunate. You have the opportunity to keep your family together sparing them the life-long impacts of a family torn apart because of an affair. I wish for you the presence of mind to really embrace that notion - many of us here are managing with very different new realities and struggling to help our children move between two homes.

Ending an affair is brutal - no doubt. However, you have so very much to be grateful for. Please don't spend your time coming undone over the fact that xAP was at a meeting in your office 2 days ago.

The past is the past unless you want to bring it into your present to have a detrimental, indescribable negative impact on your & your family's future.

Your choice(s) Sunrise, and yours alone. We are all cheering you on, believing in you ... YOU CAN DO THIS.

Feel the fear and do it anyways ... as one beautiful woman shared with us ...

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Sat, 03-05-2011 - 3:33pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Sat, 03-05-2011 - 3:34pm
Struggling. Please pray.