ARE you in any position to sacrifice time & energy to try and rescue someone who isn't wanting to be well?
I don't believe that this is an update - as you know which board such an update would belong to - I DO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR HELP ... otherwise you wouldn't have posted to an ENDING board.
Come on. Make the choice to end this non-sense. Let go of the self-destructive behaviors, let her walk her own path, AND GET YOURSELF back to something called "normal".
*** If you have broken NC to try and share with her the value of NC, YOU really aren't the one to be trying to "support" her, are you?
Her choices are hers, YOUR choices are yours.
How much more time are YOU going to WASTE to try and get your AFFAIR partner to STOP having an affair with ANOTHER MARRIED MAN.
Iggy - I would like to point out that whether or not we add value to our A's life is really a moot point.
That is one of the justifications I used to continue my A. I was helping my xAP get healthier because we'd go to the gym together on our lunch hour, he was eating better, drinking less, blah blah blah. That is all BS. It is not our place (nor theirs) to add value to anything.
(Apologies for hijacking your thread for a moment BC)
Nvr - you wonderful woman - where were you six mths ago when my xAP and I were going round and round in circles over whether or not I added value to his life??? I wanted to end the A because I was sure that the risks to his family, his job, his position in the community outweighed any possible benefits of spending time with me. He became angry with me for my "paternalistic" assumption that I knew what was best for him and said that he was the only one who could judge how much value I added to his life and he wanted me to stay.
You've made me realise that we were debating the wrong friggen question!!! Whether it not I added value to his life was a moot point - he had a WIFE and it was not my place to add value to anything.
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ARE you in any position to sacrifice time & energy to try and rescue someone who isn't wanting to be well?
I don't believe that this is an update - as you know which board such an update would belong to - I DO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR HELP ... otherwise you wouldn't have posted to an ENDING board.
Come on. Make the choice to end this non-sense. Let go of the self-destructive behaviors, let her walk her own path, AND GET YOURSELF back to something called "normal".
*** If you have broken NC to try and share with her the value of NC, YOU really aren't the one to be trying to "support" her, are you?
Her choices are hers, YOUR choices are yours.
How much more time are YOU going to WASTE to try and get your AFFAIR partner to STOP having an affair with ANOTHER MARRIED MAN.
Doesn't that sound messed?
Please come back and start again.
TU.
BC,
You sound quite a bit like my XAP, always trying to save the damsel in distress.
Rather narcissistic of you to presume that you are one to help this dumbsel in distress, isn't it?
BC, are you serious? Did you really think this post was going to go over well on this board? The blind leading the blind, the way I see it.
Let her learn how to open her own eyes, and you need to ONCE AGAIN remove those rose colored goggles you found just for this occasion.
You are right. You are back-tracking and she is back-hoeing. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.) :smileywink:
End it. BC and get back to NC.
back-hoeing!
BC
You need to look hard into yourself and decide something.
Is this A over or not? Is this woman adding value to your life or not? Do you add value to her life or not?
If the A is over and you realise that you and she are actually harming each others lives, then for Gods sake you need to man up to dealing with it.
You are not this woman's friend. A friend does not make promises he cant keep, lie to his own wife, or continue the BS by stopping her moving forward.
That is one of the justifications I used to continue my A. I was helping my xAP get healthier because we'd go to the gym together on our lunch hour, he was eating better, drinking less, blah blah blah.
That is all BS. It is not our place (nor theirs) to add value to anything.
Nvr!
Nvr - you wonderful woman - where were you six mths ago when my xAP and I were going round and round in circles over whether or not I added value to his life??? I wanted to end the A because I was sure that the risks to his family, his job, his position in the community outweighed any possible benefits of spending time with me. He became angry with me for my "paternalistic" assumption that I knew what was best for him and said that he was the only one who could judge how much value I added to his life and he wanted me to stay.
You've made me realise that we were debating the wrong friggen question!!! Whether it not I added value to his life was a moot point - he had a WIFE and it was not my place to add value to anything.
Huge hugs for the insight. :)
Kat.
Katniss (did you check your PMs?),
I gleaned the "not my place" from one of the vets here - most likely
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