i don't want bipolar
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i don't want bipolar
| Sat, 06-10-2006 - 12:00am |
Could the psychiatrist be wrong?? Is there are any chance? I don't want to be bipolar :( Who would want to be married to someone bipolar? Or even date someone bipolar? Having kids must be hard huh? Or is it even possible? This isn't how I saw my 20s starting. Ehhh I'm complaining and now I have to go be put back to sleep by seroquel. Ick.

Sweetie, I know you don't want to be bipolar and neither do the rest of us, but it is a fact and we have to deal with it. When I was a teen the pdoc thought I was hyperactive and gave me Ritalin. I slept for 3 days straight, except to use the bathroom. I didn't even eat. Then the pdoc said i was majorly depressed and treated me for that. I never really got much better. I still had mood swings and acted out other symptoms of BP, it was h*ll. Than, when I turned 33( I am now 38)
~ Tina ~
Meg,
I'm sorry you are having these doubts and feelings. I think we have all been there. From what I read about this illness, it is those thoughts that get us in trouble: we think we are ok, stop the meds, then don't realize it was a bad choice until it is too late. It's a viscious cycle.
I wish I would have been dx'd when I was your age. I have known since I was younger than you that I had "issues". I had my first major depressive episode around age 14. It was then that I started cutting and self-injuring. My parents eventually sent me to a tdoc but they had no idea how really sick I was- and still don't. I hated the tdoc and basically played mind games with her the whole time I was there...I don't think I told her one true or honest thing. I could kick myself now for doing that. If I would have gotten help then, I think I would be in a much better place now. When I'm well, I convince myself I was just creating the feelings and behaviors I had. It is so easy to do. Eventually, it comes back though- it may be days, weeks or even years, but the illness rears its ugly head again. I'm 36 now and I have so many coping skills that are negative. When I am not well, I have such an arsenal to choose from- and they are all unhealthy. It is so hard to give them up; I wish I would have gotten help a lot sooner.
I know it is hard to do, but please be proud of yourself for getting help now. You have the opportunity to educate yourself and your family. You have the support here and with your pdoc to learn coping skills that are positive and effective- skills that will help you lead a healthy life.
I have 2 kids and my dh and I will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary next month. We have been together for 19 years as of this August. We have been through a lot. He still doesn't think there is anything wrong with me- he is so used to seeing me cycle that he thinks it's normal behavior. He has stuck with me through some very rough times (all my fault). He puts up with a lot from me...I still don't understand why he is with me... The point is, you can have a boyfriend or husband and kids. You will make it work. I am sure you will fulfill all of the dreams you have.
Ok, this has gotten way too long and "preachy"...sorry. I hope you are feeling better. I am always here to listen if you need to talk (I check this board way too many times a day LOL).
Big hugs,
Peg
Your questions made me want to read some of your other posts. Don't worry, a man who won't marry you or date you because you are bp is not worth your time anyway. And there are a lot out there who will do both. I have dated many men who knew I was bp (including two who were schizophrenic- remember, acceptance goes both ways!), and am now happily married to a man who has lovingly stood by me during the hairiest of times (and he is neither bp nor schizophrenic). The kid thing is still up in the air for us, but we won't let bp stand in the way of that, either.
I started my 20s bp too, and I know, it is not fun for several years. But, you can survive. FIGHT!!!!
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
Oh honey...none of us want to be bipolar either...it totally sucks...but you ARE going to feel better. You just have to hang in there and I know its hard.
I hate it too...with all my heart. But it was what I was dealt and I have to work with it. Acceptance is SO hard.
Love and Hugs,
Keli