BP or just at my wits end?
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 06-11-2006 - 4:29am |
Hello I'm just coming here to say I have no idea if I 'm Bi-polar but 2 yrs ago, a sister in law whom I can't stand, sent my hubby an e-mail stating she thought I was Bi-polar.
She has never seen my behavior only heard that 2 years ago I cussed at my husband from afar (at the beach...wind carried my voice) as he disfavored my daughter in front of his side of the family for the millionth time. I was pissed & fed up with him always on her case so I exploded! I flipped him off & said a few cuss words. His family got involved I started to fight with my sis-in law as she got involved at that point. I told her she has no idea how he treats his step-daughter over his son. I admit I've had many outbursts of such anger about & even towards my daughter, my husband & at times step-son when my buttons are pushed again & again.
I am not sure if its stress as a step-family that after awhile it all gets me sooooo crazy as I'm trying sooo hard at my marriage to communicate & etc. that makes a marriage & family succeed. I'm not sure if since I had a rough childhood my anger has finally surfaced or that hearing my single Mom yelling at us alot has now made me that same angry woman she used to be? We yelled alot growing up. Pissed off due to the parents divorce.
My husband has gone against me on some important issues a couple of times that when fights happen again & he leaves I loose it literally!!
While behaviors happen....I'm feeling desperate, at a loss. I feel I can cry & be angry at the same time. I think hmmmm maybe I am BP I'm not sure??
E.G) I've screammed so loud after my husband leaves the house that I loose my voice.
I get angry real easily about little misunderstandungs. I can't stand not being able to hear my daughter as she speaks to me in a mumbling voice...I get so annoyed at that I tell her to speak up. I also notice that I can stay up a long time if occupied by something I'm doing. I may be tired but my mind is still going. I have energy to clean at night if hubby is working late & daughter is asleep or I clean the heck out of something most definately when angry!
I've been so upset at husband for fighting against me again & again about issues, or not budging with certain bad behaviors that adds problems to us, or not bothering to listen to my feelings when I need him to. He's left home many times to get away from me when I get so inraged. I feel that he doesn't love me when he does that. I just want him to hug & kiss me when I am mad but he says I'm too agressive & he can't stand that.
I've punched my stomache when mad at him .I pulled my hair real hard. I've slammed my fist on the shower & on counter tops. I slam doors, throw phones at the floor, call him on his cell accesively (I stopped after the 45 times he didn't answer it )
I've stayed out browsing & shopping at a 24 hour Walmart while hubby & kids were sleeping, lost track of time decided to go home after 5 hours went by! I have also spent money over & over when I shouldn't have. I at one time spent so much in a month that we could'nt pay the mortgage on time. I'm a stay at home Mom, I thought I was thinking about me & what I wanted to buy for myself, turned out I spent too much money thinking of 'me' that month. I can get lost in Targets or Malls unless I discipline myself with time & limit the cash I spend. My time management sucks unless I'm on top of it.
Have you ladies dealt with any behaviors of yours that lead you to believe you were BP? What were they if you wouldn't mind.
I've taken Paxil before for 1 1/2 years, my Dr. only suggested 6 months but I was scared to get off of it sooner. 5 years ago my marriage had ongoing step-family probs. Homelife & worklife were too much for me to handle together & we were seeing counseling then. My family Dr. suggested Paxil so that I could get through the counseling sessions & eat again....If upset I don't have an appetite, I've lost nearly 15 lbs that I haven't gained back yet. My marriage is much better 5 years later but I still tend to fly off the handle when things don't go according to what we've been shown to do in therapy or when husband seems to not take my feelings serious or I feel I'm chasing after the feeling to be loved from my husband when I've made him mad.
Thanks for lending your eyes to read my rambling troubles ; (
Edited 6/11/2006 4:38 am ET by gracesavedme

Flying off the handle (particularly over nothing) and extreme irritability, along with spending sprees CAN be signs of BP, but there can be a lot of other things that it could be as well.