Parting shots...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Parting shots...
32
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 6:07pm

Deleted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 7:09pm

Final emails are a waste of time. There is nothing to be said that I am sure you haven't said already. You are just wanting another chance to be heard and sweetie, it will fall on deaf ears. It will go in one eyeball and out the other and not change a thing. You won't feel better because you will be waiting for a response that may never come...or worse yet, you will get one that hurts you even more. Block and walk, IDK.

We all understand the anger. Use it to fuel you into staying NC. The only way to get your dignity back is to start respecting yourself FIRST and FOREMOST.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 7:34pm
Hi idkwiwt
I thought my situation was different as well, it was'nt though and I do understand somewhat of what you maybe feeling angry about and a last email or call will only fuel that anger in the wrong direction as I learned the hard way in my first two attempts at nc and does not resolve any of the pain we put ourselves in. Keep the focus on you and what the anger is really about and take this time as a gift to yourself in clearing your thoughts and patterns that were keeping you stuck in a unhealthly situation. Hugs to you, I know this is hard and by sticking with nc and the hard work there will be great realizations as you travel this healing path:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 7:57pm

Here's my thought on the topic.

It's one I've mulled over - only 2 million times.

ANGER.

Secondary cover for a primary emotion; usually fear or hurt.

I think in some cases say...a relationship you want to work on - sharing your anger in a constructive way is a way of reconciling and healing the relationship.

As well, I personally, have had breakups - where there was no intent of reigniting our relationship flame; we wanted to end well as friends and thus if there was ANY anger, I did share that constructively as well.

HOWEVER...

An A is WRONG in the first place. It doesnt get a "perfect" or textbook ending. It just STOPS. and once you stop it, you STOP SHARING. Even your anger.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 9:21pm

Michelle - where's that "like" button when I need it! Your post really helped me to understand why I can't "close" the A with the friendship and respect that characterises "life after a relationship" with almost all of the other ex's in my life. It wasn't a real relationship so there will never be real closure. Sounds so simple when you say it like that. :)

IDK - anger is such a hard emotion to deal with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 12:12am
I LOVED my anger ... I embraced it, owned it, and recognized it as a healthy expression of deeper feelings of HURT. FRUSTRATION, DISAPPOINTMENT, SHAME, REGRET ... ANGER is an emotion that signals LOUDLY something MUST STOP/CHANGE. Anger leads to actions if you work to unpack what it is trying to tell you. Anger isn't to be dismissed, spewed toward another, minimized or feared - it is to be listened to with deep respect.

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 1:10am

IDK,

TU was brilliant in what she just said .

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 5:19am
I'm so sorry for your long and painful journey IDK.

I think Melinda said it perfectly here, I am certain throughout this torturous 3yr ordeal there were many goodbye emails. Why don't you do something different this time. Show him he can no longer hurt you. Words in the A arena is cheap, hold no substance and they mean absolutely nothing. Show him the most powerful action of all. Say NOTHING, look forward and don't look back. It is time to look after yourself now IDK.

((((((HUGS))))))

V888
xxxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 6:04am

Wow this thread is really good for me today. I am having an obsessive day today- I think I just need to label it as an 'O Day' or something and just ride it.

Today i have waxed and waned a lot and nearly broke NC. I didnt. But a lot of it was driven by anger! I also thought about every vengeful thing I could do to him.

When I started reading this thread I was thinking, yes anger is part of it but I need to move past it. Now after completing the reading- I think that maybe this is a phase- a healthy phase and i should just accept my intense anger and hatred for him today.

I also sent many texts and emails saying my 'final words' when we had our many (4) endings. Lots of 'thank you for the good times' and 'Im always here for you' blah blah. i never said any of the FU's that I realy wanted to say or any of the deeper things Id like. But there is no point- he is not receptive to anything but his own droning. I am not willing to put myself in that place anymore- its just too hurtful.

I am also working through the scenario and seeing no benefit. So you have the final email and then what? No response, a hurtful response, or a fake BS response. Either way did it help? Or just prolong the inevitable.

Iggyx

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 10:12am

Melinda - and others : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:45am
The moment we decide to be a secret in someone else's real life and allow them to hide us we are telling that person that we are unworthy of true love that shows the world we are together. Anger is good but make sure it isn't misdirected. You are angry at him because you feel he used you and he is saying to himself you signed up for exactly what you got. A small piece of someone else's H. Thoughts of revenge are not healthy for you to move on. You laid down, and he did what most empty ppl would do, he saw you were willing to settle and he kept feeding you lies to keep getting what he wanted. You can't demand more from someone who isn't fully available to you in the first place.

Stay NC and use this as a catalyst to determine why you settled for being hidden and second in the first place. This really isn't about him, it's about you and what you allow and how you allow ppl to treat you.

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