He thought he was helping me...Now what?
Find a Conversation
He thought he was helping me...Now what?
| Tue, 03-08-2011 - 6:53pm |
I had a terrible day. Got a call from the school nurse that my daughter fell at school.I had my son pick her up and drive her to me (I work in a hospital) . End result...she has a concussion and fractured her wrist. BUT.... xAP got word that I was in the ER with my daughter and thought it would be a good idea to drop by and check to see how I was. The sight of him was too much. I started crying. Luckily my two kids were not in the waiting area with me. I just couldn't shut him down...I was too upset about my little girl. I actually let him hug me...OMG.....now what? I'm a basket case! Now I'm dealing with my daughter AND xAP. He then said he will "check in " with me tomorrow. OMFG.. . I can't do this.....I have all these damn feelings swirling around in my head again. What if he decides to email me? What if he decides to drop by my desk? What if he decides to call my desk phone? I'm now on guard, expecting him to contact me. Is he using this situation to his advantage? Does he really care about how I am? I don't know what to think. Please help...I need clarity.

Just deal with your daughter and don't let XAP be an issue. If he emails, ignore it. If he calls your desk phone, be professional. He could be using this situation to his advantage but as we say around here, "It doesn't matter." Your A is over and you need to make sure it stays that way. Don't let him in anymore than you have already. I understand how you couldn't be rude to him at work, but the hug was unnecessary and he used it as a way to try and slither back in.
I'm sorry about your little girl. BTDT and a situation like this is stressful enough. You don't need JAM making it worse. You know the drill....avoid him at all costs.
((Hugs))
What if he decides to drop by my desk? What if he decides to call my desk phone?
Fifteen words: "I need to focus on my daughter and my family. Please don't contact me again."
Blueclouds - I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's accident. She's lucky to have you and her big brother right by her side, and I hope she's recovering well. Big hugs.
Kat
Please don't let this time in your life be clouded by JAM when you are needed front and center somewhere else.
Much care,
TU.
BC,
Sending prayers and hugs for you and your daughter. Hope you both are feeling better today. I hope you are more sober when viewing the totality of the situation today.
Ditto to the other replies.
As far as the hug, I’ve learned post A to employ the side hug method. If someone reaches out for a hug that is not family or an old friend that my H also knows, then I turn my body sideways and hug with one arm. It sends a clear message that it is platonic.
I do NOT encourage hugging or having any physical contact with xAP. You are M and this man helped you disrespect your H and your family. We who are M must never forget that. It will be hard and you are vulnerable especially after the recent turn of events so you must be extra vigilant to initiate new boundaries and stick to them. It will not be his responsibility to follow your new boundaries. It is yours.
Be kind and patient with yourself but most importantly use the experience to learn and grow from. Decide what you want to do differently should there be a next time when he shows up during a stressful situation.
Love and hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I'm glad to heart dd is doing better! Reading your post makes me think I need to have a plan of action to we can only benefit from being prepared.