Crazy thinking today...Why???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Crazy thinking today...Why???
5
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 11:30pm
Ugh I can hardly work today. I literally cannot stop thinking about him and why it ended. Mostly my thoughts are about what he thinks of me. "does he blame me?" .... "was I at fault?".... "should I have done something else?"'

Oh it's crazy and really p'ing me off! I have nearly broke NC today!!! I havent but why now? Why today?

Iggyx
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 11:57pm

(((((Iggy))))))

You are having a weak day, and it happens, and will happen, something that is going on in your RL right now is making you scream for escapism, not for XAP, try and pinpoint what that may be.

Remember he was a man on a mission, a physical gratification one at that. I doubt this man has any emotional sensitivity, considering his last request of you, so don't be concerned whether you have hurt his feelings. This man has proven to you that he is a physical rather than an emotional creature, and more importantly it no longer matters, because it's over with, done and dusted, finito.

It's time for us to place that energy towards ourselves, our spouses and our children, and veering those questions towards the people in our lives that do matter.

Be strong, remember A's are just BS, everything about them, in every way you look at it, there's no denying that.

Thinking of you

V888

xxxxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 12:08am
Iggy,

Answer me this:

Why now?

Why today?

Dig deep. The answers are inside YOU at this point. I look forward to hearing your answers.

Much care,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 6:18am

Dear V888 and TU

Thank you for being there today. Yes I agree- its a desperate cry for escapism today and i dont know why. Ive been flat and testy all day so i cant ignore the link between feeling emotionally craggy today and the fact that I spent nearly every waking minute thinking about exAP.

I dont miss what we had, I certainly miss the initial few mths and its this period my mind keeps going back to, time and time again, which is bizarre seeing as the A lasted over 18mths.

Ok... so its the initial period that I am hankering for, those early feelgoods. I am going to sped some time pulling those feelings (NOT the activities which is what I

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 7:43am

Iggy~

I really liked the way you dug down deeper. I think many of us can relate to what you realized about yourself.

I am trying to explore in my own life what healthy activities, friendships, pleasures, I can indulge in that will give me those feelings of being pampered, desired, sexy, powerful, successful (we worked as a team together during the first 9 mths of A) that I got from the A. I have to be active about trying new ways to feel good because I find it all too easy to go back on autopilot and that's when life looks grey and I miss the A the most.

I need to plan to exercise every day and stop turning to food now to soothe me. I need to regain control, which I handed off to him for quite a while. That is my goal for this first week of NC.

Share with us what works for you and maybe it will help someone else.

~songs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 7:47am
Hi Iggy! Ok, so I don't have an answer to your question, but I do want to share something I've learned and have to keep learning it seems. This is all in the mind, its all about controlling our thoughts. It is a very slippery slope when I start thinking about xap because then I go down the path of more thinking and pretty soon I've thought about him all day. You have to nip it in the bud as soon as it starts or you'll be off and running. I have been thinking of his wife lately every time my thoughts go to him. I tell myself 'nope, he's married to _____' and picture her face aand how much I have hurt her.
Get you thought life under control Iggy..there's a saying that rings true for me 'I do what I do because I think what I think'. I truly think that's what got me onto the A mess to start with. Hopefully today is a better day for you and your mind will stand gaurd in protecting your heart.