Traci
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Traci
| Fri, 06-16-2006 - 8:39am |
I'm worried about you. Just wanted you to know I'm here for you if you need me. I understand.
Love you,
Keli
| Fri, 06-16-2006 - 8:39am |
I'm worried about you. Just wanted you to know I'm here for you if you need me. I understand.
Love you,
Keli
Possible Triggers!!!!
Keli ~
Thanks. It's been a rough week. There's the mess with the ex, a bout of depression, and now I can't eat and haven't been able to for almost 2 weeks. Then when I do eat, it's not enough to keep a bird alive and then I start gagging and I want to get rid of it. I've read up on anorexia and it doesn't sound like that, but I wonder if it isn't some sort of disorder. It's gotten to the point where I just plain don't want to eat. Tdoc said "no" to that idea. Told me to drink those ensure things. I had one once......no thanks. I'll drink (or try to) the carnation instant breakfast things. I just don't know how to reprogram my body to accept food again and am losing the will to fight for it.
Thanks for listening.
Love You
Traci
Hey honey. I'm sorry. I know ALL about this one.
Listen, you can also drink Slim Fast which actually doesn't taste that bad. It has all the nutrients and vitamins in it as well.
I don't think its Ana either, but you need to be REALLY careful it doesn't turn into it, becuz that can happen in an instant. It starts to feel good to not eat. And that can be a self injuring behavior, a need to punish yourself...or a need to control SOMETHING in your life, and right now it seems like you don't have control over much, right?
Drink the supplements...please.
Love you,
Keli
don't they have something at like gnc you can drink also?
God could not be everywhere, so
Keli and Donna ~
Thank you both. Keli I understand what you are saying about feeling the need to punish and/or control something in my life. Tdoc asked me yesterday if I was trying to punish myself and truthfully I told her I didn't know. There is a need to control though because right now that's about all I feel I can control. I'm going to try to drink something to keep nutrients in me because I don't want the worst to happen.
Donna, yes we have a GNC here in town, ironically right next to our urgent care facility. I did turn my knives and blades in on Tuesday and since then I've noticed that I don't want to eat as much.
Anyway, that's where I'm at. Thanks for the support and encouragement.
Love you,
Traci
SI TRIGS - careful reading if you are not safe...
trigs
trigs
For me...its both reasons. Mostly self punishment. There are many reasons, and causes,etc. But, it boils down to SI. I've stopped cutting...I've stopped using drugs. So now I found another way to SI. Starving. Starving myself gives me power. Everyone else, pdocs, my kid, my ex, my job, meds, my parents, money problems...all of it controls my life, but none of those things can ever force me to eat. Never.
I've also noticed that the NEED, the URGENCY to not eat is much much more when I'm in either an agitated, or depressed state. When I'm manic, or more okay, I can eat something without feeling too bad about it. That's the self loathing stuff coming through.
The point is...no matter what your reasons are, or why or how it starts, once it starts, its SOOO hard to stop. I've been to the point of almost fainting from not eating...I've gotten myself SO WEAK from not eating that I have collapsed from it. But you know what? That's when it feels the best. I'm messed up, but we all know that already!!!
If you have my new cell, call me if you need to this weekend. If you don't have it, let me know.
k.
Keli, you have just described pretty much exactly how I am feeling. Since my depression started creeping back in 2 weeks ago, I've felt less and less like eating, to the point that in the last week where I've barely eaten.
I've been honest for the most part with tdoc. She knows I'm in an SI mood, strictly because I turned in all my knives and blades. She wants me to eat/drink. I just don't know at this point if I can. I don't know if that is control or lack of control.
Thanks again. I'm not sure if the cell number I have for you is the right one or not. Can you e-mail me with yours?
Love You,
Traci
I emailed you thru your profile...hope that works.
k.
Thanks Keli. I got it. I'll do my best to get nourishment in me, but don't be surprised if your phone rings. But in case I don't call, have a good weekend.
Love You,
Traci