Please help me with reminders

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Please help me with reminders
20
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 8:39am

Good grief. This morning lamewad sends me a request to join him on a professional networking site. I know because it was in the title of the email. I deleted immediately without opening it up.

Why is he doing this now? Why do I feel flattered that he's thinking of me? Why do I want to talk to him and see how he's doing?

Please help me through this. I need to hear the really hard stuff.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 9:13am
He wants sex not love...hes in need of an ego boost and if you go back you will get hurt not maybe WILL! You have come so far dont let some jam suck you back in just because he needs something his "needs" aren't your problem only yours are!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 9:48am
Hi alwayst,
I am proud of you for deleting and not reading. Now delete him from evading your head space. LFH had a very good reply and I think she gave you some good reasons to think about. It is good to be aware of what his actions are saying so now bring the focus back to you. It is'nt him you miss it is those fleeting moments of being validated by another person when we feel shaky. You know that comes within yourself, having two fishing attempts in such a short time period musy be tough. You have shown with the second one your focus is more in what you are feeling. Push through this and work at a deeper understanding of what is lingering for you. I am finding rereading nc tips and the healing library very helpful as well as all the newbis posts. They are full of excellant views:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 10:00am

First of all, get over yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 10:27am

Thank you LFH, Jen and Dee. I am a calm mess, if that makes sense. I am trying to put this all in perspective. I'm not a Newbie. I know what's going on.

Guess what? Let me be honest here. I was always a little sad that he never attempted to fish before. But then I kept reading how that was a gift and I would read of the other xAPs' fishing attempts and then be thankful that mine didn't. Now he's fishing. What I'm reading into that is that he's hurt--not by me. My ego isn't that big any more. He's hurting because of all the stuff he's going through. He's embarassed his employer, he's been publicly humiliated, and who the hell knows what's going on in his marriage?

The smidgen of me that wants to reach out to him is out of compassion for what he's going through. Is that the mother in me? Or do I want him to see me as some great catch that got away--first 21 years ago and then now. I'm trying to clear the cobwebs so that I can see my real issue. I'll be honest and tell you that I got fogged up pretty freakin quickly.

Fug. We never had a fight. He was never ugly or mean toward me. We never got overly emotional in front of each other. We were out just to have fun and be naughty together. Two big fat freakin egos, stroking the hell out of each other.. (I am gagging as I write this.)

Holy crappola. I thought I was going to sail through this ending once I got past that 3 month mark. This is real hard right now. My insides feel torn.

Dee, woman, I have that ace right up my sleeve. Learning to trust ourselves means knowing when not to trust ourselves. That is why I am here. That is why I'm going to skip an event Friday because there will be alcohol and that will be my downfall. I KNOW THIS.

Ladies, I need your strength and support because I am feeling weaker and more vulnerable than I've felt in three months.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:03am

Always Always Always.... I soooooo feel for you right now! I am sooooo sorry that you are going through this AGAIN!

This is what we said about the CRASH.. but that hasn't even happened YET... you are still on the highs from the 2 fishing attempts! I was there... I wrote the EXACT same thing you did about reading other's fishing attempts! I wanted so badly for Xap to fish last year...just once so I could ignore it BUT think that he cared, or missed me, or realize what he was missing... HA HA HA!

It happened to me, as you know...after tweener wings and all. You are on 5 months!!! I am begging you to please step back for a moment and really think about what this could possibly transpire into! I know you KNOW, but it is fighting with those feelings that is so hard! You know, we cannot take those feelings you have away. All of our "feelings" are REAL. What we feel is REAl. The pain is REAL. It is

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:31am

Alwayst,

You are letting your ego hog the spotlight, my dear. Nothing but trouble can come from this unless you thump it's frothy head immediately so their will be major shrinkage.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:42am

Ha!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:45am

Always-

You have been a hero to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:57am

HELL TO THE YES I AM GOING TO GET PAST THIS!!!

Stuck a pin right in my fat ego. Looked in the mirror and asked myself if I really thought I was that special to JAM. Breathed deeply and felt my own power again. IT IS MY CHOICE TO REMAIN NC. I AM NOT THE WEAK, PATHETIC

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 12:11pm

1. The bigger the ego - the harder they fall.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

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