Where I am at

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Where I am at
14
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 3:00pm
Hi everyone,
I have reached a point in my journey where I feel I am not connecting or articulating what I feel to others around me effectively and most of all to myself. I believe one of the reasons being is my DD has indicated being in a EA which I allowed to cause triggers in myself that had set me back in my thinking. I did post on this, I was very vague though and can see I was using old behaviours by not facing a challenge face on and choosing to dance around the situation in my mind. My DD had come to me and shared this information and I shared my own experiences and how damaging the EA/PA path could be. It did not take long to recognize in my DD that I was not going to prevent the choice of a EA from happening. In some ways it was like watching me make my choice to have an A all over again. It shocked me, I can see I have gone underground with my feelings. Today I made the call to set up counseling, I cannot do this any longer on my own, EAS has been a blessing and a huge support and I can more clearly how much I need ic. Thank you for the safe place to post and all the feedback that keeps me thinking:)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 3:35pm

As a parent, the most painful thing we can witness is our children making destructive choices and engaging in dangerous behaviors. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I am also

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 4:56pm

Oh Jen, I so clearly remember you posting that "someone close to you" was crossing a line into A territory and that you were concerned for her safety. That was back around Valentines day wasn't it? I had no idea it was your DD. As a mum, I can feel your heartbreak.

I hope your T helps you find a way through this that honours your feelings and concern for your DD while also respecting the choices she needs to make for herself. Let us know how it goes?

Hugs and much care,

Kat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 5:05pm
Thank you alwayst for the big hug, big hugs to you as well:)
There is a rift in our relationship that at this point I do not know how to repair. Iam not for certain why it has occurred, it may well be that I did not handle the offering of my support in a positive way and I feel a wall up between the two of us. There has also been backtracking on the information that was shared by my DD which has left me confused and is another strong indication that I need ic for my issues and that I am foggy on my boudaries. My DD is an adult and it has occured to me that I am missing an important parenting step. For now I have let it be known that my DD has my love and support. Iam looking forward to ic, I have been missing some signals from my body that I have been struggling with emotionally and having the opportunity to work through my issues will be a good step:) My admiration is with you as well alwayst, your growth is a wonderful progress to see:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 7:29pm
Jen,

((Hugs)) to you, honey. As a mother of a 28 year old daughter, my heart goes out to you. I am very proud of you for seeking IC, something I should have done many years ago. She also found herself in a triangle several years ago and thankfully came to her senses. I will pray for you and your daughter.

Much love,
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 7:50pm
Thank you iddy for your prayers and hugs. I feel a sense of loss right now and with ic I can work on where my loss is coming from. If I am going to be a source of support to anyone I need to face my past and face my future with dealing with the pain I feel inside and how I can turn it into a more positive outlook. I pray my DD works through this as well. Hugs to you iddy:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 8:57pm

(((((Jen)))))))

Im sorry youre experiencing this - As you know, Ive 3 daughters- oh man...I cant imagine your desire to "SAVE" prevent the damage.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:01pm
Dear Jen,

I am SO proud of you for recognizing your need for IC, and having the courage to follow-through. If your DD is going through with the EA, the BEST thing that you can do for her now is to be a living example of how to recover from an affair, demonstrate what accountability looks like, and pave the way for open communication. By attending therapy and sharing your lessons, I believe that when she finds herself in the position you once were, HER CHOICES will NOT trigger you. You will be in a safer position to help her without feeling as though you will be swallowed alive.

Protect yourself, and PLEASE keep posting for support,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:44pm

Jen,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 5:38am

Oh Jen,

I'm so sorry you are going through this, dealing with your own demons and then having to watch your child enter that self destroying path as well, my God i couldn't begin to imagine what you are going through. I'm not sure if you would want your DD on this site, but have you thought about printing some of the content from the HL to share with her?

Jen i think its great that you have decided to seek professional help, A's are so damaging, we can't do it all on our own.

Sending you much love and strength
V888
xxxxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 12:54pm
Hi kat it was right around Valentines day when I posted and I was very vague about who I was concerned about. I was in denial to myself how close to home my concerns were, the guilt of my past actions had my thoughts all over the place and I believe I was shutting down. I need help through ic in sorting out my feelings in what I showed my DD during the time of my A. I will definately keep everyone posted on how it is going. Hugs to you as well kat:-)

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