?? about tdoc's "power"...poss. TRIGS...
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| Wed, 06-21-2006 - 3:41pm |
Ok, I had a tdoc appt. this morning. We discussed the flashback I had last week then moved on to my "homework", which was to write down all of my coping skills. I did so, both positive and negative, because I try to be as open with my tdoc as I feel comfortable. I know if I am having a problem with SI in any form, if I tell her about it, it usually helps me keep it under control because I know she will keep an eye on me and ask me about it.
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So, on my list under negative coping skills was "working out" and SI- ignoring physical symptoms (pain, hunger, fatigue). We started discussing this because up until now, I have refused to acknowledge to her that I am working out excessively sometimes and I am restricting my food intake. I have lost about 24 lbs. in the last 10 months; 9 in the last 3 mos. So, she tells me that she will hospitalize me if I keep losing weight. She did not give a specific amount or anything so I don't know how she is going to judge this.
My question is this: if I do NOT meet the dsm criteria for anorexia, how can she put me in the hospital???? There are only 4 criteria and I don't meet them, well maybe one or two... But, I am still on the BMI table, not "underweight" for my height (although about 2 lbs from that). So I don't get how she could force me into the hospital when I don't even meet the criteria!!! Plus, what the h*ll am I supposed to do with my kids?? Let them home alone while dh is at work? I was scared and rather annoyed when she said she would do this to me. I got a little "testy" with her and told her that there was a lot goign through my mind including: how is she going to keep track, how she is going to see if I am following through with her expectations of reducing exercise and increasing food intake, would she really do it or was this just a scare tactic, the excuse of not skipping meals (I don't skip any) so how could she say I was bordering on anorexia??? Well, that was kinda the wrong thing to do at that point. She told me that she is working with 2 anorexics right now who never skipped a meal. She emphatically stated that she has put people in the hospital before and she is not afraid to do it again. I got the point and know I pissed her off, which, sadly, was my intention. I felt like a rebelious teen just trying to push her buttons. I also felt like a 6 year old being told by their mother what you can and can't do...it was a very frustrating appointment. I could quit going, but after today I think she'd hunt me down!
I told dh about the meeting and he was really annoyed. His first response was "what are we supposed to do with the kids? I'd have to take off work and we would not be able to have any vacations". Ok, thanks for the support, just think about yourself. I told him that I have to stop weighing myself (which I do at least once per day), I have to write down all the food I eat in a day (that is going to look REALLY ugly on paper), I have to cut down on my bicycle riding and cut down on my working out at the gym. She is out of the office next week so I have 2 weeks until I report back to her. DH doesn't think she would ever do it (hospitalize me); I got the sense that she definitely would. He's more worried about missing vacation than anything else. Oh, well, I guess I can't expect him to understand or be concerned.
Anyway, thanks for listening. If you have any input about a tdoc's "rights" or "obligations" or "power to commit you", I'd love to hear from you.
Take care,
Peg

Hey Peg...sorry you went through that...and I hate to say it, but a tdoc MOST DEFINITELY CAN hospitalize you. Please heed what she says. She is looking out for your own best interests, I promise! I was diagnosed with Anorexia and I am overweight right now. At the time, I wasn't underweight AT ALL. I did skip meals...but any form of restricting, or overly excessive exercising is gonna "qualify" you. Lucky you.
Please, hang in there.
Hugs,
Keli
I am dead meat, really. I really don't think I can force myself to eat more. I am just not hungry and when I am, I fill up very quickly and feel horrible if I force myself to eat more...and I don't want to throw up. Dh told me to get some Ensure, which I did at the store today, but that will just replace a meal- I can't drink one of those and eat a meal- it just isn't gonna happen.
I just got back from a bike ride. Went out for 45 minutes, rode 8 miles. Already broke the rules. I just hate the idea of giving up something that is relaxing and stress reducing. I am just screwed. I'm not supposed to weigh myself more than once per week. I am finally happy with my body- I have muscle tone- I have only two spots that annoy me- inner thighs and "baby belly". I don't think I look too thin (probably a sign of trouble). I checked the BMI again- I'm at 18.65- still in normal. I just don't get it (again, probably a sign of trouble).
Oh, well, I have two weeks to deal with it. Whatever happens happens. I go see a pdoc in 3 weeks- this is not going to look good. I should have never even brought it up to her. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Peg
Peg,
I don't really have any advice on anorexia, but listen to Kel. Maybe you could slow your exercise down a bit? I know it can really relieve stress, but don't do it to the point of hurting yourself.
Nothing really to add, just {{{{{hugs}}}}
Amy
Peg, in light of my recent events, I feel like the last person who has any right to give advice here. But one thing I can say is that Keli is absolutely correct. Do the best you can do. If you can cut back on your exercise that's