at the beginning of my ending

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2011
at the beginning of my ending
26
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 4:54am

Hello

I am at the end, can i share my journey? sorry its such a long post i need to get it out.

The Start

I was newly divorced putting my life together, MM contacts me out of blue, 20yrs ago we had holiday romance, i forgot about him, he never did, had been looking for me all this time, he found me on a social network but did nothing as i said i was happily married, when he saw i was then divorced he contacted me to tell me he had always loved me, always thought about me, and wanted to say the words he never did 20yrs ago. He is married, depressed, unfulfilled, jobless and health issues. His 18yr marrige was solid but mundane with a lack of closeness both sexually and emotionally.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 7:44am
Ss,
No contact is the only way to go, this relationship and this man are very toxic. If he can track you on the internet shut down all avenues. Since the police are involved are there orders of protection in place? This relationship sounds scary and like it could escalate to worse levels and you should protect yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2011
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 8:33am

it is 7 days of total NC

he doesnt have my mobile number, is blocked (one of his email adresses anyway he has numerous) on email, and his landline and the mobile number he used to call me are blocked to my landline. he has numerous mobile sims.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2011
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 9:21am
i just want to know why i am missing him so much and want to believe we will be still be together one day, all wrongs forgiven. Why do I STILL have the fantasy of what it should have been in my head? What is WRONG with me? when will the pain end, when will i smile and have a peaceful hour not thinking of him. so so sad. :( I am an intelligent grown up woman, and anger is at myself.

please let me know what you guys think......im at my wits end here
thank you xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 9:24am

Welcome to EAS, SS!

It sounds as if your life is in shambles and I am so sorry for what you are going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 11:40am

SS,

Welcome to endings and I hope you have taken some time to read our Healing Library. There are articles there about co-dependency and rebuilding your self esteem, ending toxic relatioships, tips for going NC (No contact), The stages of grief, and a ton more stuff to get you going....

I found it very difficult to read your post. I've watched soap operas with less trauma drama. :smileywink: You and your Xmm are Extremely and Dangerously toxic for one another, and this relationship needs to completely end. You both bring out the worst in each other, and you both also need counseling. His problems are not to be your concern though... You have to get well on your own, so

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 1:31pm

Hi Spiffy- Welcome to EAS.

Wow,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 2:20pm

Hi SS!

Welcome to EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 2:59pm
This was very painful to read. You are in the worst of the worst of A's. Although they are all bad. Please block him from every point of contact. It appears there is horrible and sever emotionally cruelty spittin from this A. Please stay NC and get some professional help. I hope you see the damage this relationship can cause and can escalate further should you not end it forever. I am sorry that you have been thru this and hope that you end it for your personal safety and that of your daughter as well. Ur exAP is unwell. Very unwell. Please do not contact him ever. Please put your life on the healthy path of ending this A. Please read, read, read and get yourself any protection afforded you by the laws of your country. Do not wait, do whatever you can to protect yourself today.

Welcome....you have come to the right place if you really want to end your A.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 5:05pm
SS, I also want to extend a very warm welcome to you. After all the abuse and harm you have suffered, I'm so proud of you for making the strong and healthy choice to come here and end this toxic A. You have taken an amazing step towards a happier, more honest, and whole life for you and your daughter, and we'll be here for you all the way.

Wishing you strength and serenity

Kat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 7:27pm

Hi Spiffy,

Welcome to EAS.

Pages