Definite Trigger

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Definite Trigger
6
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 3:12pm
This past week was bad. Constant fighting with dh, a small buying spree helped that on Tuesday. Huge celebration at company on Thursday but afterward I tried to OD on pills. Dh caught me and stopped it before I could really inflict the final end. Sobbing on phone with tdoc on two different times Thursday night who only said "Do you want to be hospitalized?". Of course not! She quizzed me on what and how much I took and I heard her confer with her pdoc dh in background. Drove myself into work Friday (with dry heaves and double vision) but all the throwing up and more dry heaving forced me back in the car after half an hour and home and ditching my bosses phone calls. I want to thank Peg for keeping in touch and checking on me! Dh doesn't understand why tdoc didn't call to even check on me Friday - is this normal? Do I have the wrong tdoc? Do I have to try a third? What is the point of having tdoc? I am trying to commit to getting help - am I just being whiny or "too much"? Do I expect too much out of a tdoc? Sorry, I am beyond depressed and cranky and don't know why I even bother!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
In reply to: jettidog
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 5:22pm
I'm sorry you're so depressed right now, but so happy that your husband found you. Are you feeling any better? I hate it when I'm depressed and people keep offering "ideas to help" so I won't mention anything but I hope that you are doing better. That's the great thing about being bipolar, we always come up again! As for your tdoc I don't really know. Is it their responsibility to call? Probably, but I never feel like I want to bother them like that. Or have people worrying about me that much. Mine's leaving so I have to find another I guess, I haven't decided if I want to keep seeing one or not. I, like you, don't know really what the point of one is. Well I hope that things are going better today, let me know how you're doing!
Meg
Avatar for peg_t
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
In reply to: jettidog
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 8:46pm

Kelli,

I am SO glad you are back and you are safe. I'm happy that dh found you and you didn't do too much harm to yourself.

I am proud of you for taking the time and effort to find a tdoc and making a commitment to getting healthier. Don't give up on her yet. Try to understand that she doesn't really know you yet. You've only seen her I think twice? Maybe she was confident enough that you would be ok- which may not be a good thing for her to have done without knowing you very well, although she did ask you about hospitalization. She hasn't seen you at your best or your worst in therapy- so she did not have anything to compare this recent episode with. My suggestion would be to either leave a voice mail with your concers or write them down and discuss them with her. You need to let her know what you expect from her and you also need to find out what her policy is regarding checking up on patients, returning phone calls, etc. I don't think you are expecting too much out of a tdoc, but it may help to find out what her normal procedures are so you know what to expect in the future.

Do you have a family physician who could start you on an antidepressant (listen to me advising meds...how hypocritical is that?!?)? I hate to hear that you are in such a bad spot.

To answer your question on why you bother- for the same reason as the rest of us: our family. Even when we feel like the only escape is to end it, we hold on because of them. We all have the hope that we will find that even ground to stand on. We know it's there because we have been there; it's just so hard to find sometimes. Keep posting, (and keep emailing), we can make it together...

((((HUGS))))
Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: jettidog
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 8:41am

I hope you are feeling better today....


when is the next time you see tdoc?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
In reply to: jettidog
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 8:54am
Thanks to everyone who emailed, I don't know how to do a reply all here. Better today, more controlled and feeling more in control. I have thought about approaching my doc but the thing is, I know him. I mean personally and I'm not quite ready to let the cat out of the bag. Also, I use to work for the CEO of the practice and everyone knew me (not that I am blowing my own horn here) and I know that they talk. The reason I don't change docs is because he is an exceptionally good doc. So I have to get over it. Tdoc is on vacation this week and my next is July 6th. I am so on the fence but I certainly have time to overthink and analyze it to death - hahaha! Thanks again to everyone! Kelli





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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
In reply to: jettidog
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:27am

How are you doing this morning? I hope you are feeling abit better. If there is anything I can do just ask, I am not sure what its worth but I just fell the need to offer. I hope things get better real soon for you.


Huggs,


jo

Johanna


(and her fur-babies)


(Peanut & Buster)


IT'S NOT HAVING WHAT YOU WANT, IT'S WANTING WHAT YOU HAVE.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
In reply to: jettidog
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 1:32pm
I am ok today - hanging in there. Thank you for asking! I do appreciate it, this board is always a relief to come to.





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