Update on my journey and wondering who else has had a D-Day

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Update on my journey and wondering who else has had a D-Day
11
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 2:56pm

Hello everyone,

I didn't want you all to think I disappeared back into the "fog"...I am very much out and continue on this journey.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Hi Hearts, it's so encouraging to hear that you and your husband are communicating well, being patient with each other, and on this journey together.

My H and I had a number of incremental D-days over a six year period, each worse than the last. But still the A didn't stop.

Shortly before Christmas, my H found an email from xAP on my phone. For as long as I live I will never forget the look of absolute devastation on his face. He thought our marriage was over, wrote to xAP, planned to call xAP's wife, drafted an email to all our friends and family telling them what a sl*t I was and asking them to support him in raising our children (which thankfully he agreed not to send). I feel sick just thinking about it.

I called xAP in tears and his only response was fury that I had put him at risk through my "stupidity". That night my H had to go to hospital for emergency surgery. I wept as they took him into the operating theatre, and I knew with absolute certainty that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

But still - I'm ashamed to say - the A didn't stop. Once xAP's anger simmered down, he attempted to pick right up where we had left off. It took another couple of months for me to understand that I simply didn't have the skills or support to either end, or heal from, the A on my own.

So here I am. Seven weeks NC on Monday. My H and I have our ups and downs but on the whole our M is stronger than it has been in many years. I love him so much and I am so, so thankful to have one more chance to be the wife and mother that my family deserve.

Sad and disappointed in myself

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
My d-day was three and a half years ago. DH and I have been rebuilding since then - and we're doing very well. It took a while to be able to say that though, the first year was the hardest, but things are much, much better.

At this point, I think we would both say that we're not rebuilding the marriage after an affair so much as doing constant maintenance and upkeep, to keep the relationship strong and healthy.

Hugs for those of you at the beginning of the rebuilding process. Have faith, and hang in there.

Kim

    

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010

Kat:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010

Well howdy, heartsofsix. it's been ages since i've posted, so i'm not sure if you remember me, but i jumped onto your thread immediately bc i too had a d-day, and im goign to tell you, it is the BEST thing that hever happened tome.

my d-day is the reason i was able to quit my ap cold turkey; because suddenly once it was all out in the open, the consequences were so real, and i knew that if i contacted ap again, my marriage would surely be over. as long as i was keeping the secret, the door was always slightly ajar, available for me to walk through it to my ap on the other side. once my DH really know all the gory details, NC was honestly easier to maintain, because i knew i had no choice. like you, i've confided entirely in my DH. he asked a lot of questions which were so difficult to answer, but there are no secrets any more,a nd its SUCH a relief to stop living a double life.

for my DH and i, the past 6 mos have been revolved around rebuilding and reconnecting (our d-day was september, and he also has read every single one of my eas posts, which is partially why i stopped posting!) with the assistance of a highly skilled marriage counselor, and hard work and genuine soul searching on both of our parts, i'm proud to say we are doing so much better than ever before, and firmly believe that recovery from an affair is possible.

EAS was such a positive place for me when i first arrived because i appreciated being int the community, but i sensed a divide

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010

Hi <3

Our dday was October 11th and i cannot believe that 5 months on, we are still talking, still communicating and more to the point still married.

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Hearts,

Keep the faith. You've already jumped a huge hurdle, in that you and your DH have both commited to rebuilding. Even on the dark days - that is something that you can both take some comfort in. You're on this journey *together*.

Wishing you peace, and happiness, and brighter days.

Hugs,

Kim

    

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003

So happy to read your update, and see that things are smoothing out for you and for your DH.

    

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
NC,

Just wanted to say that your update made me smile, because I see progress there. I know it's been a very difficult five months for you - and I hope that things continue to improve, and that very soon, the good days start to outnumber the bad days.

Big hugs,

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2011

Hi Heart,

My H also knows about my A and while we stayed together, but quite honestly our M is now forever changed! I recently just posted about how to rekindle love in the M after an A, because for us it's close to impossible. My H still loves me the same, although he was very angry about my A, yet he chose to stay with me.

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