and the NC count has begun with my full and utter conviction to do it the right way

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011
and the NC count has begun with my full and utter conviction to do it the right way
9
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 4:54pm

Thank you my EAS friends.

I went against all theconventional recommendations and had my final audience with xAP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011

NC for 3 days now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010

Hi BC

Firstly WELL DONE.....

It doesnt matter HOW you end your A. It is YOUR A and you bring closure to it

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Hello again BC-
What a change from the "I feel nothing" guy that came to this board just a short while ago. I hope that you learn to see NC as a way for YOU to change and heal, instead of a punishment we inflict on new visitors. I'm sure it came as a wake up call that she neither appreciated or wanted your "advice" on where she is headed - it sounds truly that she has issues that she'll someday need to deal with on her own. While you had good intentions - there lies a reality there - you cannot be her savior, you cannot change her - you are only in control of you. That perhaps is the HARDEST lesson.

I hope you stick to your NC and give YOURSELF a chance to reconnect with your W, and learn more about your own needs.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010

HI BC

Well you did it. I hope you have blocked her and you are committed to NC. I dont want to sound harsh but trying to give back the compass strikes me as a bit overly romantic for an ending. I hope you see that it wasnt necessary. My exAP gave me some lovely gifts over the time we were together (nothing engraved) but I gave them all to a second-hand shop when it ended. I felt bad- but I needed to not having them around.

Stay close to EAS and DO NOT break NC!!!!!! Try hard to dig into why you wanted or needed to do this, why you embarked and maintained a r'ship that you had no intention of honouring.

We are all here to help and support you, and each other. All the very best and big hugs!

Iggyx

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011

NC day 5.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009

HI BC-

Congratulations on NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008

Congrats on 5 days NC!

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I can see the pain in your post and it is clear that you were hurting from her actions. When people are hurting deeply, one common reaction is to hurt back. If you want to be honest and learn/grow from this experience start with asking yourself what your motivation was for giving her back the compass? Be honest with yourself about the answer.

If your motivation was to hurt her because she hurt you, then it wasn’t about ending at all. It would be about one more jab. Doing something to get a reaction even a negative reaction can keep the A ball in play.

If your motivation for giving her back the compass was to place a part of you back into her life as a reminder, then that is manipulation. The problem with manipulation is you cannot control another person’s reaction.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2011

What have I done to begin the blocking?

The affair email and IM account is closed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Hey BC, now that you've blocked and walked I can truly say "welcome to EAS". Good for you throwing your A telephone in a pond where it can swim with the fishes. :)

You have done an amazing thing for yourself, your xAP, and your wife by freeing yourself from the A, refocusing on your RL, and allowing xAP to move on with hers.

Stay strong and stay with us.

Kat