Changing our cell# isn't always the solution for all of us...or an excuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2011
Changing our cell# isn't always the solution for all of us...or an excuse
9
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 1:57pm

I often read that those of us who do not wanna change our cell# we are just making up excuses here. For me, I went as far as blocking his cell# each time we ended the A, but completely changing my cell# it really is no use to ME, when 80% of the time it was me who broke NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008

If someone has an AP that won't stop calling or repeatedly calls from different numbers, then changing numbers would be the solution.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2011

I know it has been said a lot on these boards before (I have been lurking here and on other message boards for many years) and even when I went to see a shrink last year (not the one I am seeing now, a different one) she right away told me to CHANGE my #, without even hearing me out first. I told her that my reasons for going to T is to help MYSELF. I wanna be able to resist the temptation because changing my # really would be no use for me if in a weak moment one day I called xMM from another #.

So, what I meant to say is that sometimes it's not an excuse why some of us don't change our #'s. We all react to things differently, or how we heal, how fast we move on, etc. I always believed that when an A is over, it really is over when our xMM's presence, or even if we see them calling us, would no longer phase us.

And I agree! If the xAP is a stalker, than yes, change the # by all means.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011

This was my experience, a little different because we never called each other, but communicated via office IM:

I blocked him for 4 weeks of NC and then unblocked him after seeing

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008

I've been around here for years too and "block and walk" is pushed here, not "you must change your number" --- unless absolutely necessary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2011

I always found it the most challenging for me is MY urge not to contact him. He knows me well, so even if he doesn't break NC, he knew eventually I would. He never had to lift a finger, that's why the fishing attempts were mainly on my part.

Now that I look back, I can't help but shake my head how well he trained me. I would never allow any man in my life to treat me this way, yet he was able to push my buttons.

Although, I am getting better and better as day of NC goes by, as in the past I would be texting and calling him now like crazy. I really believe that there is only so much abuse we can take in these A's when we finally had enough.

And bumping into him was pure torture for me, but that's exactly what I mean. Cell, or no cell communication, there is always the chance to bump into them somewhere, even years from now, and that's what I have to overcome, not to let it phase me anymore.

I always used to tell myself that while he didn't care about me when we were in the A, but if he's not fishing after the A, than he "cares" enough to let me go. And I hope I will reach that point too not care anymore either!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
I understand your point, but you have to get to the point where you will not contact him anymore, regardless of his number.

Changing your cell is a must in some situations. Some persons are relentless fishers. They call from different phone numbers, they call blocked or private. Some times it is necessary. If you are being harassed frequently and they just keep calling. Even if you hang up on them when you realize it is them. A change is on order at those times.

I have been here a long time and I can not tell you how many times women get on here an complain that they keep calling but do not change the number and they do make up excuses. I can roll em off as easily as I can shiz. If you really want them out of your life and for them not to be able to reach you, you change it. I do not care how it will look or whatever. If they are calling and getting under your skin, change the number and the problem is solved.
I am all for changing if blocking does not do the trick. What do you really have to lose? There is a person on here who changed her business number...that took a lot...and I will always respect her for it.

Excuses come from people who just want to know they are calling....even if they want it over, they really have not let go...cutting that last connection can be too much for those persons. But they will pay if they do not change it....cuz eventually they will cave....
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

Luv,

I hear some ambivalence on your part.

I can only say that what has worked the best for me in terms of NC is knowing I have declared the importance of my privacy and my security back!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2011
Thanks Luvin! Your message does explain a lot. Sorry I just got back, but have been the worst 2 weeks of my life :-(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2011
Thank you Melinda!!! I was afraid to say in my post that even if I blocked him, I am the one with the urges to call him. But your reply was soothing when you said, that's why EAS is here for. I just feel I am beyond hooked on this individual, but why? Just posted today about where I stand on my dilemma :-(