Just diagnosed Bipolar

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Just diagnosed Bipolar
3
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 4:30pm
I was diagnosed 7 years ago with depression. I have been on and off of antidepressants for all those years. My Dr. is helping me. I would feel better with antidepressants and then after 6 months they would just stop working. right now I'm not medicated at all but I am starting Zoloft again tonight. My Dr. mentioned to me that I had some mild bipolar tendencies. I KNOW that is what I have. I have always had a huge conflict with my husband's sister. She has major family problems right now. I have always tried to bond with her. I have always tried to establish a connection with her and she is not like me. She doesn't really want to be friends with me which after years of therapy I have let go of this as not a negative reflection of who I am but simply who she is. I have TRIED to let go of resentment towards her but I just CAN'T. for some reason there is so much resentment there that whenever she is around I have to take Xanax to be calm around her. I never say anything unkind to her but I vent violently and viciously with my husband about his ONLY sister. I call her names etc. She is miserable in her present life and I get a major HIGH from it. Anytime I hear that she is even happy about anything (which is rare, because she is NOT a happy person) I get depressed or very angry. I told my dr. that I think the antidepressants have been masking the volitile side of bipolar. Am I alone? I think my Dr. is going to give me medicine for both depression and the 'mania'. Right now, I feel so lost. I want to get in my bed because I have no energy and I'm afraid of that demond that lives in my mind but not in my soul. I want to be able to accept that my Sister-in-law is who she is for whatever reason and let it go. I don't want it to make me evil or cause me to say or think things that I would never say. I also act harshly with everyone around me who are completely separate from this. I'm lost!!!! Please tell me that I'm not alone! Luckily my husband is so loving and supportive! but he is not living this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 11:03pm

Welcome to the group, I'm glad you found us & you are definitely not alone!


Unfortunately, our families tend to get the brunt of our worst--it's like we can only hold the "mask" so long and it's safer to let go on our families than the world at large--after all they already know we're "crazy"-LOL/sigh.


As to meds, you're probably right that he will give you something else, either instead of or in addition to your current meds--something called a mood stabilizer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 12:06am

Mimi ~ Totally alone in this you most definitely are not. I hope your doc gets you on some meds that work for you soon. The right combination is so important. It can take time and patience, but take it from one who is still doing the trial and error, my doc and I are getting closer to the right combination.


It's great that you have a loving supportive dh. That's fantastic:) Welcome to the board. Post here often. We look forward to getting to know you.


Hugs,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 6:12am

I too used to deal with anger issues. I would become violatile. That was before I was was Dx'd bipolar. Once I was on meds and did some cognitive therapy I calmed down and learned how to not explode. Unfortionately, now i don't vent enough. Sometimes I have a pretty flat feeling. Feeling like I am just exsisting. But, I have to admit the meds are working some for me now. My pdoc and I are still working on the right combo for me, so I can stop going up and down all the time.


I am NOT a doctor, but it does sound like you need to be put on a mood stabilizer. I hope you get the help you need with your meds and therapy. Be as patient as you can, it takes time.


Tina




     ~ Tina ~