Feeling strong despite fishing attempt

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
Feeling strong despite fishing attempt
4
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 4:49pm

Hello Ladies,

Lately I've been riding the emotional rollercoaster (not due to xap) but due to RL. My mother had a Cancer scare last week, a school mate of mine died in a horrible fire, and my longtime neighbor passed. All in a weeks time. I'm spent. But I'm still here. Still putting one foot in front of the other. Recently I've felt strong and my footing has been firm on my pathway to healing. I even survived a fishing attempt this morning from xap. He realized I blocked my personal email address, my texts and phone calls to him as well, but he got me on my work email.

I realized that its pointless to respond. Pointless to tear open that wound again thats just now started to heal. Pointless to open that door again. I closed it. I walked away. And will continue to do so. I'm done. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, but I'm still here :)

There is no such thing as a clean ending. No such thing as closure with an A. The only thing certain is that the only way to heal and save yourself is to go NC and maintain NC. That's one valuable lesson I've learned through and through. He can't hurt me if I don't let him. He can't hurt me if I don't respond to his fishing. He can't hurt me because I won't allow him to do that to me anymore. I won't allow him to make a mockery of me. I won't allow myself to be a door mat anymore. I won't allow myself to settle for crumbs. I won't allow myself to be an option. I won't allow myself to take part in this madness, in this chaos anymore.

I will take each day and make the most of it because nothing in life is promised. I will cherish the moments I have with my family, the ones who really do and did matter all along. I will make it a point to do whatever I can to reconnect with my husband. And I will take the time to heal my wounds. I will begin to love myself again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 7:54pm

Wakingup-

I'm so sorry for all the sadness in your RL and for the loss of those close to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
Tue, 03-15-2011 - 9:39pm

Thank you very much for your response. I do feel strong today and know that I can and will make it through to the other side. And I will block his email address from my work email too. :) Thank you very much again and here's to another day..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 3:54am

Hi WU2011

Wow what an amazing post. My sincere condolences for the loss of your friend, and you Mum is in my prayers tonight.

I have to say though that I really love what you said.

There is no such thing as a clean ending. No such thing as closure with an A. The only thing certain is that the only way to heal and save yourself is to go NC and maintain NC. That's one valuable lesson I've learned through and through. He can't hurt me if I don't let him. He can't hurt me if I don't respond to his fishing. He can't hurt me because I won't allow him to do that to me anymore. I won't allow him to make a mockery of me. I won't allow myself to be a door mat anymore. I won't allow myself to settle for crumbs. I won't allow myself to be an option. I won't allow myself to take part in this madness, in this chaos anymore.

I will take each day and make the most of it because nothing in life is promised. I will cherish the moments I have with my family, the ones who really do and did matter all along. I will make it a point to do whatever I can to reconnect with my husband. And I will take the time to heal my wounds. I will begin to love myself again.

The power of those words will help all of us. Its amazing to me that through all of your issues in RL, you still have the focus to say those words with clarity and heart.

All the very best to you and your family

Iggyxx

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 10:16am

Thank you very much Iggy for your kind words. I greatly apprecite everyone's responses. After going through all that myriad of emotions last week, it was as if someone literally flipped the switch on in my head, and things began to look so very clear. Its almost as if I began to take stock of my life and realize who and what really matters. I'm still in the "warehouse" of my head, tossing things out that are of no value to me anymore. Little by little I'll get things in order. One day at a time.

Sometimes it takes situations in RL such as the death or possible loss of someone very dear to one, to make one realize that life's too short. Enough of the games. Time to take that deep breath and start living. And I mean real living. Time to "stop and smell the roses" and enjoy the beautiful sights and sounds that were there all along for us every day. We were just to "fogged up" to realize it. And that's what I want and will do. Everyday is