I am DONE with the tears!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
I am DONE with the tears!
7
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 10:53am

How I envy you all who are at "indifference"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 11:13am

3 weeks of NC is a good start toward getting your life back, but you are a very long way from reaching indifference. Try not to even think that far ahead or you will

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 11:23am

Well I called the cell phone provider and they said I can't block his # from being able to text me and that is the only way we communicated. I know telling him off won't help and I am stubborn enough to not contact him again cause he will just ignore me anyways until he feels he is ready to contact me again. But this one year anniversary today has really hit me and I totally agree with you Iddy about me not being able to fully let go yet

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 12:05pm

I am glad you are reading this board daily. As far as T goes, they aren't supposed to judge you, so I would definitely look for another one. I'm also happy to hear you have some family trips planned.

About not being able to block his texts....then DON'T read them. Delete them the minute you see they are from him. There is nothing he can say that would change one darn thing, so spare yourself the pain of reading anything he sends.

You can do this, DD. No contact will drain those A toxins, and counseling will help you with your issues so this never happens again.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 12:24pm

D- Congratulations on three weeks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 1:06pm

devious--the other ladies have given you good advice. one practical thing i did regarding phone was that i put xAP in my phone as "DO NOT ANSWER", so that way, when i saw a text or a call, i immediately deleted or rejected the call. on most phones, even smart phones, you can set a feature where instead of the first few lines of the text coming up, it will just say "text from so and so", so that way, you wont even see the beginning of the message and be curious about the rest. these little behavioral tricks can help you to establish a habit of NOT responding and NOT reading. as you go forward, this will get easier.

3 weeks is quite an accomplishment; i genuinely believe the earliest weeks are the hardest. we need to retrain ourselves out of the affair mindset; on a superficial level this is about behavioral tricks like what i described above, and daily efforts to avoid doing things you used to do. on a deeper level, and with the guidance of an able therapist, you'll need to confront the reasons why you entered into this, and things you can to do shore yousrelf up so that these behaviors dont return.

set small goals for yourself--indifference is a lofty one, and could be a long way out, but maintaining NC,a nd the small gains of each day, are the best way to go right now. i promise you that the more you do it, the easier it will get. im only 6 months out, which is a big accomplishment, but i am not at indifference at all. i dont miss my ap or long for him, but i still find myself thinjkniga bout the A a lot, particularly in the context of "what could i have done differently" or..."If i had just cut it off after that first time..." the reason i say that is to tell you that there are many incremental gains along the route to indifference, and i feel a million times better now than i did 5 months ago when i only had 3 weeks under my belt too. allow yourself to be reinforced by daily progress.

keep your eyes on the prize--you'll get there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 1:30pm

LOL I do have him set up in my phone as "F*cking A**hole"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 2:19pm
Hi D,

So happy to hear you are NC. 3 weeks is a great start as you know. Keep reading EAS .....every day and week does get better. lol I love your new phone name for him. Send me a message anytime. You go girl !!
((HUGS))
MC