Update on me.
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 07-12-2006 - 11:53am |
Well, I'm here. :) I had a horrible horrible depressive episode and basically hit bottom this past Friday night. I've been in the midst of a major Fibromyalgia flare and have been in immense amounts of pain. I've not been sleeping well. I got hit with my mom having Alzheimers, and being in kidney failure...it all was just too much, on top of the depression I already had. I somehow made it through Friday night, with the help of my dh, and another friend, and I doubled my lexapro, from 10 mgs, to 20 mgs. Since then, that's the dose I've been taking and it totally helped. I feel much better now, but not manic. I want to stay on this dose. I hesitated to call my pdoc and tell her, until I knew it wasn't going to throw me manic. But I just called her and left a voice mail. I hope she thinks its okay. I just cannot cannot cannot function when I am that depressed. Its so awful. I literally go down so far that I just wish for death. That's not acceptable to me, when there are meds available to help me, BP or not.
I have been very busy at work, but have had to take some time off here and there, due to the Fibro flare. I don't know if my boss understands, but when the pain is so bad and its all over my entire body, I really don't care. I did get some 800 mgs Motrin called in yesterday from my GP. It helps without making me so groggy.
When I'm not depressed, I'm okay with my life. But then those hard hitting depressions come so fast, and so often, that its hard. I have gotten used to having my own place and for the most part, I really like living alone. Like I said, though, when the depression hits, I lose it...I just can't take it.
But right now, today, I'm okay. I try to just go from day to day and not worry about how I'm going to be tomorrow...but I'm always waiting on that next fall to the bottomless pit. Shouldn't have to be that way, and I'm going to have to be firm with my pdoc about that.
I've missed you guys, but I've been lurking on and off, and I think of you always.
Hugs and Love to all,
Keli

(((((((((((((Keli)))))))))))) I understand where you're at right now. And, yes, you've got a ton on your plate.
Just remember to (as much as humanly possible) keep the focus on yourself. You can't care for others if you don't care for yourself first. I've heard that at least once or twice in my life;) I know it's much easier said than done, but it is important nonetheless.
I'm glad to hear you are adjusting to life on your own. It really is a good thing. One of these days I hope to be able to do the same thing. I'm glad you got your pain meds for your fibro. And I hope that your pdoc ok's the increase in the a/d. It sounds like its really working for you. \
You hang in there and keep us posted. You know where to find me if you need to talk.
Hugs & Love,
Traci
Hey Keli!
I'm sorry that you're having so much trouble with depression and your mom right now. Good thing that lexapro increase is helping. I hope your pdoc says it's ok, I'm like you- anything to get out of depression! The situation with your mom sounds pretty serious but I hope that she starts to get better? I don't know much about kidney failure but I imagine it's pretty awful. My mom has fibromyalgia and it seems to cause her a lot of pain, but her doctor always wants to prescribe antidepressants for that. Did the incease in lexapro help any?
I hope that things start to look up for you! Good luck with your pdoc!!
Meg