I am so happy to find all of you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
I am so happy to find all of you!
11
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 9:39am
I knew I wasn't the only one going through this, but had no idea how to find anyone. This is such a lonely thing to go through. It's not something you just want to go around talking about to everyone. So I have been going through this awful heartbreak with no way to let it out. Thank you all for being here!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 9:56am

HI and Welcome!!

I'm guessing this is your first post as I don't recognize your moniker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 9:58am

SB,

Welcome to our community, and I am happy that you found us if you have been struggling with this alone. Something as painful as ending an A needs to be shared with others who have experienced such a devastating experience,

How about introducing yourself, letting us know if your are M or S, how long your A was, and if you definitely ended it. This board is mainly for those who have made the decision to walk away from their affairs, so if you are still in the "trying to find the strength to do so" camp, then I would suggest you continue reading here, dive into the Healing Library that is filled with wisdom, insights, tips for NC, grieving stages, and many threads on how to start healing and getting yourself into a better place. If you don't know where it is, just look at the top of this forum where it says: JUMP TO: and you will see the sections that are offered. The Healing Library is one of them. Most newbies start out in the General section (where you posted) to let us know you are here and need support.

As soon as we know more about your story, the wonderful people on this board will jump in and offer you all the support you will need. You are no longer alone, so remember that. If you are having trouble with the acronyms like NC (No Contact), there is a list of abbreviations in the Healing Library.

Hope to hear more from you soon.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 10:00am
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 10:56am
Thank you all. I already feel better just knowing you are here. I haven't talked about this so excuse me if I jump around. My relationship ended ten months ago. Not by my wish, though. He was my very good friends husband. My husband was an alcoholic and his wife wanted free time so encouraged him to take their kids and do things with my kids and I. We became best friends. He was the closest thing to a male version of me. We had everything in common. One day when my husband and I where having difficulties he told me that he very strong feelings for me. He felt like I was the most wonderful person he had ever known and felt that I should know because of the things that my husband would say to me. I was completely caught off guard. I really had no response to this. I had feelings for him but never really acknowledged them because of his wife and I was always against having that type of relationship even though I was miserable with my husband. We would meet each other every weekend to run and we also attended church. The more he came forth with his feelings the closer we became and my feelings became stronger. Our running time soon became doing other things (never sex), but very intimate. He did confess to his wife his feelings for me and that we had kissed. She was perfectly too ok with it. It was strange. I sometimes think that she wanted that because her feelings for him where bad and she didn't want him anymore. My husband also found out because of seeing his number on my cell. He confronted him about it. He was scared at first but then vowed to never leave me alone. I then started discussing divorcing my husband. As time went on we had our ups and downs due to guilt feelings he felt because of his wife. He is a very religious man and always felt very guilty for the feelings he had for me. Which in turn made me feel bad for making him feel that way. I then decided that I loved him so much that no matter what we needed to always be in each others lives. The only time he felt guilty was when we where together and things got physical. So I decided to do my best to stop seeing him, but keep him in my life. We had been training for a race so we did that together. It was bittersweet because it was so great being with him that day but after that I knew I was going to avoid seeing him. My husband became rather crazy through the whole divorce situation and asked to see the phone records 2 days after the race. He became enraged and called him and told him to stay away from me. He listened to my husband. He wouldn't answer my calls, texts or emails. He completely dropped me. He finally had his wife call me to check on me. She was actually mad at him for not talking to me! A few days later she called me and wanted me to talk to him. He said that he was sorry that he just needed to do what God wanted him to do. And he was going to focus on his wife. It was like talking to a robot. That was it!! I have been a mess ever since. I don't understand how someone that claims to have the feelings he did could possibly end things the way he did. This has left me feeling like the biggest piece of crap! And I do not trust anyone's love at all. Except God's. This has been the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me emotionally. And with no one to talk to it has been so lonely. I should also mention I do not talk to his wife anymore either. She quite calling also. I also stayed married. After this happened I just didn't care about anything anymore and I didn't have the emotional strength to deal with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 11:33am

Thank you for sharing your story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 11:41am
The way it ended upsets me because of unanswered calls and such for days and no real conversation. He chose to end it and never have any talk, nothing. The whole time my only concern was for him and to make sure he was ok. I'm ok with him choosing his wife and family. That's what made him so wonderful to me. His devotion to do the right thing. I just wish he would have considered my feelings somewhat on how he ended. I felt like a piece of trash that he threw away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 11:42am
secretlybroken,

Yes, EAS is a Godsend- I would have still been a wreck without the wonderful support here.

Rejection hurts. My xAP and I agreed to end our A, he returned to his xGF, and although he honored his end of NC, the coldness I felt from being abruptly cut off was like a physical punch to my stomach.

Be grateful you never had sex - it would have been much more difficult to be "rejected" after sharing your soul AND body.

But I'm afraid your A was not unique. My xAP and I had tons of things in common as well and he also said very sweet things to me, how I made him feel alive, blah blah.

But, it was an A - dishonest, secretive, hurtful . . .

Since you are a Believer, I will tell you to pray and ask God for strength. He hears you and will mend your broken heart, but you have to do a lot of work, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 12:07pm
Thank you for your response. I agree with everything you said. I am so glad I didn't have sex. I feel bad enough that he ever touched me because I feel like it was all a sham. When it is over knowing I did such a horrible thing, dealing with the guilt, heartache and loss of 2 friends is so much to deal with. Talking to God has been the only thing I can do, and the only thing that gives me strength. It's been a hard road to get back to who I was - a kind, loving, good person. But he is working on me every day. It's amazing how who you are can be stripped away so easily.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 12:53pm

SB-

Yes, definetly be glad you didn't have sex. Nvr said it well as to why.

I just wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that it will be alright.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 1:02pm
We both had a very strong sense that what we where doing was wrong the whole time. I didn't want to have sex because I was friends with her and I knew it would devastate me to have him leave me afterward to go home to his wife. Also he said if we did he would either leave his family and be with me or freak out and run away from me. Which is what he did anyway. Just for a different reason. I am so sympathetic for all of you who did have sex because I know the pain would be that much worse.
Thank you so much for the warm welcome and hugs. I cannot begin to show how grateful I truly am. You all have my love.

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