Guess I am moving to this board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
Guess I am moving to this board!
12
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 7:25pm

My A ended about 9 days ago. He still wants to be friends and wants to talk like we used to. I responded to his text today. My question is how do you remain friends? He still wants to be here when I need something, just not the physical aspect of the A. I love him very much and am missing him. I still have a little hope that I can get over him, I do not know how, am just going day by day, one foot in front of the other.

He ended it because he thinks he can not go through another divorce, he just can't do it. He tells me that he cared about me enough to set me free, and that by sharing me he has been selfish. I am so confused about how he can just walk away for the 2nd time. I cannot allow this to happen again, he does not have the right to break my heart a third time. Anyway doing OK at the moment, trying to stay busy, with work and more work.....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 8:38pm
This is the oldest and most common question on this board. You can not be friends with exAP. Not at all. I could cater my answer to your specific situation, but you can not be friends. You will be broken hearted again, and again and again. NO CONTACT and block and walk, its the only way to go. I know this seems harsh, but the sooner you CUT THE CORD, you will start to feel better. It seems harsh and mean, but it is the best give you could give yourself....
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 9:17pm
I said it before on another board and I will repeat it again. "Friendship" in an affair is nothing more than foreplay. Don't fool yourself into thinking it's anything more than that.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 9:33pm

and I will add a third support - so many want to do "the adult thing" and be friends - but there is no reasonable way to maintain a platonic friendship once you have crossed the boundaries in an A situation.

Compare it to making a milkshake - you add all the things you both like - chocolate, maybe a banana, some coconut and nuts, and you blend it together - there is no way to take any of those ingredients back out of the shake itself - it is what the two of you created.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 10:22pm
amen
Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 12:36am

Army mom, let me give you a huge hug and say welcome!! I am so happy for you that you have reached the point where you can see that you "cannot allow this to happen". You are absolutely right - he does "not have the right to break [your] heart a third time." You deserve so much more and you have come to the right place to start building a happier, healthier, and more whole you.

I recently ended a six year affair, after trying over and over to stop the A and "just be friends". I can tell you, being friends DOES NOT WORK. You crossed that line a long time ago and there is no going back. (I love Lolly's milkshake analogy!!) You

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 1:26am
Army Mom - Welcome!!! I know how difficult this is for you right now and you're right, just put one foot in front of the other. One day at a time. I can tell you from my experience, you will not heal by having contact with him. We ended things and stayed in limited 'friends only' contact for about a month and a half. Every time I would just start to heal we would communicate and it was like tearing a scab off of a wound. I finally realized I wouldn't heal if I still had him in my life even on a limited basis. I told him that, went NC and blocked him (which I told him I was doing) and now almost four months late I am healing. I still struggle and still have sad times, but I am soooo much better than before. You can do this! Stay hee with us and begin your healing! Hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:09am

I am so happy you came

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:20am
Nice to see you here Mom...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:44am

I love this place and you ladies. I love the strength that you all have, especially you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 3:31pm

I stayed friends with my AP.

Onward and upward.

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