Getting through the days
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Getting through the days
| Sun, 07-16-2006 - 10:50am |
I wish that someone would just take a sledge hammer to my head to stop it from spinning. I really wish that my innerself would just shut the f up already. I keep working myself up. I keep making myself cry. I am driving myself crazy. I feel like I need a sedative.
I don't know what to do with myself.

do you have a good book or can you watch your favorite kind of movie?
Are you on meds? Do you see a pdoc? It sounds like you need med changes or increases...something. Call your pdoc if you have one and if you don't have a pdoc GET ONE. If these symptoms get to be too bad, GO TO THE ER IMMEDIATELY!!!!
You shouldn't have to suffer like that.
Keep us up to date. I am sorry you are going through this, hon
Tina
~ Tina ~
The only medication I am currently on is Wellbutrin and that is barely enough to take the edge off. I see a doctor tomorrow night and I'm seriously hoping that he knocks me out. I feel like I'm panicking and suffocating at the same time.
I think that the worst part of this is that my practical brain is telling me to calm down, don't think like that, stop being paranoid... yet I have no control and I can't force or will myself to stop. I've been trying to pass the time by reading but reading puts me in a whole other zone and I swear that it stirrs my BP. I become convinced that I share some of the same traits as the main character. I adapt the persona of the character because I suddenly decide that she is exactly who I want to be, or who I really am. It's so absurd! When the book ends, I feel like I'm lost... I don't know why I do this, I absolutely love to read. I go through books like water, but they constantly have me switching gears. This happens when I watch Sex & the City too... I suddenly proclaim myself to be a single and fabulous woman... I'll even go buy new clothes that ordinarily I will NEVER wear! I seem to jump from one extreme to the next and I never follow through because the thrill and my interest only lasts for so long. I don't know if anyone else has this type of problem. I'm not Carrie... I'm not Samantha... I'm a short blonde girl who lives in collared shirts and prefers slurpees to cosmopolitains.
I really wish that I could watch TV or read a book and not merge it with myself. I wish a book could just be a book that doesn't absorbe me.
I can so relate to what you have described. I think that's why I don't read as much anymore, as it was driving me insane. However, I've started watching (almost addictively) a television show - which I never really used to do, and I'm doing the same thing. Putting my persona into the character or vice-versa. I know my meds are all off kilter since the lithium episode and I guess it's just going to take some tweaking to get me "right" again...if I ever was right. Maybe I should just go back to my music. I seemed to be "safer" with that.
All I can say is hang in there, know you aren't alone and good luck with your doc tomorrow. Vent and post often.
Hugs,
Traci