Getting through the days

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Getting through the days
5
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 10:50am

I wish that someone would just take a sledge hammer to my head to stop it from spinning. I really wish that my innerself would just shut the f up already. I keep working myself up. I keep making myself cry. I am driving myself crazy. I feel like I need a sedative.

I don't know what to do with myself.

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 10:58am
can you take a nap?
do you have a good book or can you watch your favorite kind of movie?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 11:38am
I know how you feel, I wanted to chop myself into tiny pieces last night. Are you feeling better today? I really don't know what to tell you, but try your best to distract yourself and eventually you'll come out of it. If you think of harming yourself and actually start to plan on doing it, go to the emergency room please!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 11:46am

Are you on meds? Do you see a pdoc? It sounds like you need med changes or increases...something. Call your pdoc if you have one and if you don't have a pdoc GET ONE. If these symptoms get to be too bad, GO TO THE ER IMMEDIATELY!!!!


You shouldn't have to suffer like that.


Keep us up to date. I am sorry you are going through this, hon


Tina




     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 2:23pm

The only medication I am currently on is Wellbutrin and that is barely enough to take the edge off. I see a doctor tomorrow night and I'm seriously hoping that he knocks me out. I feel like I'm panicking and suffocating at the same time.

I think that the worst part of this is that my practical brain is telling me to calm down, don't think like that, stop being paranoid... yet I have no control and I can't force or will myself to stop. I've been trying to pass the time by reading but reading puts me in a whole other zone and I swear that it stirrs my BP. I become convinced that I share some of the same traits as the main character. I adapt the persona of the character because I suddenly decide that she is exactly who I want to be, or who I really am. It's so absurd! When the book ends, I feel like I'm lost... I don't know why I do this, I absolutely love to read. I go through books like water, but they constantly have me switching gears. This happens when I watch Sex & the City too... I suddenly proclaim myself to be a single and fabulous woman... I'll even go buy new clothes that ordinarily I will NEVER wear! I seem to jump from one extreme to the next and I never follow through because the thrill and my interest only lasts for so long. I don't know if anyone else has this type of problem. I'm not Carrie... I'm not Samantha... I'm a short blonde girl who lives in collared shirts and prefers slurpees to cosmopolitains.

I really wish that I could watch TV or read a book and not merge it with myself. I wish a book could just be a book that doesn't absorbe me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 4:02pm

I can so relate to what you have described. I think that's why I don't read as much anymore, as it was driving me insane. However, I've started watching (almost addictively) a television show - which I never really used to do, and I'm doing the same thing. Putting my persona into the character or vice-versa. I know my meds are all off kilter since the lithium episode and I guess it's just going to take some tweaking to get me "right" again...if I ever was right. Maybe I should just go back to my music. I seemed to be "safer" with that.


All I can say is hang in there, know you aren't alone and good luck with your doc tomorrow. Vent and post often.


Hugs,
Traci