Letting it out

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Letting it out
15
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 8:34am
Since I finally found this amazing place, I've decided to let out some of the feelings I've been keeping inside. Any insight from any of you for how you got through feelings like these would be so appreciated!
I'm a mistake- during the A I always felt so vulnerable knowing that I could be thrown away like a piece of trash at anytime. We used to say that we need to take care of ourselves so we could live long enough to be together some day when we where both single. I also told him that even if I couldn't be with him it didn't matter because just knowing that I had someone as wonderful as him that loved me it was worth it all. He told me he would never think of me as a mistake because I was the most wonderful person he had ever known. Well, he did throw me a way like a piece of trash. Pretty much just I'm done, good bye and stay away from me. He even told my husband to tell me not to call or text him anymore. He had no intention of ever talking to me again. I feel like such a mistake to him and it makes me feel like such a piece of sh** ! And then I get so upset for letting one person make me feel that way. He was my best friend before the A ever happened, and I never thought in a million years he could end things the way he did. I completely trusted him with my feelings because he knew me better than anyone. I know that I am not capable of treating people that way. I really try hard to treat others feelings as if they are the most fragile thing in the world. And I don't see how someone who claims to love you can be so careless. This happened 10 months ago, afterward when anyone besides my kids told me they loved me it made me cringe. I'm a little better now, but I still don't even like to hear it and definitely don't trust it. I get very upset with myself for getting myself involved in this A. I take full responsibility, because I am an adult who made the decisions I did. I'm actually not mad at him at all because I had the choice. I just don't know what to do about this constant thought that I was a mistake!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 9:48am

Secretly,

Thinking that we were someone's mistake takes our focus off of realizing that it was THE AFFAIR that was the mistake. We all stepped into this compelling fantasy

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:34am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 11:32am
Thank you for your judgment. My husband was not crushed. He didn't blaim me at all because he was too busy being f***** up all the time and wishing he didn't have our 3 kids. And his wife knew he was in love with me and actually encouraged it.
You are exactly the reason I do not talk about this. People judge without knowing the whole story. Thanks so much for letting me open up to someone for the first time and be judged. Just what I needed. I firmly believe that good people often have an A and their lives and others are dramatically affected. I will forever be sorry for what I did to others, even if they are ok with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 11:35am
Thank you so much for your response. You are truly gifted, your words are so true
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 11:38am
Also, you totally lose on that bet. He was my best friend. Period!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 11:50am

SB,

I know you're hurting very badly.

Avatar for blueclouds1627
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 1:50pm
SB, try not to get your feelings hurt by what you read. I am a newbie, as well. And believe me, I received some really harsh words when I first began posting. I've come to realize the vets are giving us a healthy dose of tough love. I know I needed a reality check when I first came here...several, actually. This board has been a life saver. Everyone has BTDT (been there done that)...so they won't accept bull**** . They will no longer allow us to live in our fantasyland. I always say, the truth hurts. And I have certainly been forced to face the ugly truth about a lot of things here. Hang in there. We are all in this together. We WILL survive this. And listening the advice here is what's gonna make that happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 2:01pm
Thank you so much for your kind words. I can handle truth and honesty I just was a little more hopeful that this was a safe place to not be judged, especially when what is said is completely untrue. Everybody's story is unique but it seems that everyone here has shared similar pain.
Avatar for blueclouds1627
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 2:43pm
I think we all feel our story is unlike anyone else's. That's something else I've learned...As one wise poster said to me awhile back..." it's the same circus, just different clowns". I loved that! So True! Trust the advice you receive here. There are many , many people who have been where we are and survived or are learning to survive the pain. There are so many stages to recovery. I have a feeling I will be here for quite some time. We will heal together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 3:11pm
SB,

Hang tough and hang around here. You will be grateful that you did.

Yes, we have ALL felt your pain, many still do - it comes and goes, but you are at the worst stage right now. I would not have believed that I could feel relief from the pain the first few weeks.

I was SO convinced that my A was different - my xAP was different! That we had really loved each other . . . But, it's not. And, the realization of THAT really hurt as well.

I went against the vets/ advice that xAP and I cannot remain friends - but, guess what? The EAS vets were right. They know of what they speak. All I did was set my healing back.

It is not judgment - it is fact, and you will see that once your head clears.

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