I know, I know... me again

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
I know, I know... me again
4
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 8:56pm
Hi girls. Sorry to bother you all again you've been such good support lately but I have a question for you all. So as you already know I've been cycling on average like umm 5/6 times per day extreme highs and extreme lows.... I've thought about suicide a lot but I would never go through with it so that's not really a big deal. I'm supposed to meet with my dear dear psychiatrist again on Thursday when he's going to tell me to up the lamictal to 300 mg but do you all think I should call him tomorrow morning and tell him how terrible the past few days have been?? I mean, I don't know what he's going to do about it, except tell me to hang in there for the 300 mg. Or put me back on antipsychotics which I HATE HATE HATE and will not take those awful things (I know they help some of you, they just are awful for me) so I just really don't know what to do. My mom, the only person who knows what all is going on, is the single most indecisive person in the world besides me, who, believe it or not, changes her mind from one second to the next ;) So expert bipolarers out there... do I call in the morning and tell him what's up or should I just deal with the extreme cycling till Thursday? Thanks in advance! Sorry it's Sunday night :( I hope Monday won't be too bad for any of you. The only thing I ever liked about Monday is that 24 was on but of course it's over till next season...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 9:59pm

Go ahead and call him tomorrow. IMHO, that's what psychiatrists are there for (but there are those pdocs out there that disagree with that to the extent it inconveniences them).

Before you give up on antipsychotics, have you tried Geodon yet? I've taken it for more than four years now and the only time I had any effects at all from it was back in '04 when my dosage was upped, and that went away soon after. I know about the others- I've been on Navane, Thorazine, Risperdal, Klonopin, and Zyprexa, and those all gave me varying degrees of nasty effects. Geodon is different. Do give it a try if you haven't!

But, call your pdoc tomorrow. You shouldn't suffer.

{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 10:02pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{ Meg }}}}}}}}}}}}}} Sweetie, you don't need to apologize for posting. And YES, call your pdoc first thing tomorrow morning. There is probably something that can be done without making you wait until Thursday.


If I can ask, how many different anti-psy's have you been on? It took a few different ones for me before the pdoc finally found one that worked for me and didn't mess me up. So maybe there's one that hasn't been tried? Just a thought.


But definitely call your pdoc in the morning and let him know the h(#* you've been living in and tell him you need relief ASAP. That's why you are paying him. We all want you to feel better and that is the way to go about it. Don't wait until Thursday. That's just torturing yourself needlessly.


Please don't feel guilty about posting. That's why we are here. So take a deep breath, relax and get a good night's sleep. Let us know how you are doing and what the pdoc says, if you decide to call him.


Hugs,
Traci

Avatar for peg_t
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 7:33am

Good morning Meg,

Well, I am far from being an "expert bipolarer" since I just started on mood stabilizers and with a pdoc, but I thought I'd add my $.02 anyway.

I would definitely call you pdoc this morning, first thing, and tell him what is going on. Even if he doesn't do anything for you, he needs to know.

POSSIBLE TRIGGERS BELOW!!!!

I just want to let you know that you are not alone with the suicidal thoughts. I totally understand what you are going through. I often have suicidal thoughts and, like you, would never act on them (I don't think). The past four days have been riddled with them, especially yesterday. They are not constant. I can be perfectly fine then out of the blue, my mood switches and I have a strong suicidal thoughts (taking pills, shoving a knive in my head, gun-which I don't even own- stupid stuff like that). They don't last long and only come and go a few times per day when they happen, but that is enough to freak me out. I had a little meltdown last night repeating over and over "why can't I just get my brain to stop thinking". My thoughts aren't racing, they are just constant. I'm driving myself nuts- sad part is, I really don't have a far drive- I could walk LOL!

Anyway, you are very lucky to have your mom there for you. She sounds like a very wonderful support person for you. I know she's not perfect all the time, but rely on her when you can. She is never going to totally understand. Maybe you can find some good books for her to rent from the library about bipolar so she can educate herself more about the disorder and meds, then she can be of more help to you.

Long story short: GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND CALL THE PDOC NOW!!! Then, let us know how you are doing.

Love,
Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:39am

I'll be seeing my pdoc at 9:30 in the morning which is good... my cycling has increased from 2 times a day to 6 times a day so I can't imagine that's a good thing. I hate his assistant that I have to talk to though, ususally she's not helpful but at least she got me an appointment earlier than Thursday.

Peg I'm the same way with the suicidal thoughts. They really freak me out, too. (I'll overdose on all my pills, I'll drive my car into a tree, I'll jump off the bridge into the river, I'll cut myself into pieces, etc) I know I would never do it, but I do think that just is a part of being bipolar. I'm learning all about it, slowly.

I'm sorry you had a melt down last night, yesterday I spent most of my time up so I didn't feel too awful (but my dad kept screaming at me to shut up and sit down, haha). The depression is just awful. I hope that you're feeling better today!

Meg