Sinking
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Sinking
| Fri, 03-18-2011 - 9:50am |
I have never posted here, just mostly read to get clarity and encouragement.
| Fri, 03-18-2011 - 9:50am |
I have never posted here, just mostly read to get clarity and encouragement.
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Don't contact him. It will only set you back. I am in the same situation and have been for six months and it gets progressively easier.
You have to realize that however he may have "seemed" to take it, he is also missing you. He may have acted "cool" out of a sense of dignity or out of self defense. So you should not worry that he is not missing you - he will be. But in contacting him, you will reopen wounds and it won't solve anything. You will have to go through this all over again. After all, there was a reason why you ended this.
The first three months are the worst. I am at six months and she mailed me once during that time to which I wrote a short reply and then felt bad for weeks afterwards because that was the end of it. I still have terrible lows occasionally so there is no magic switch to turn it all off.
One thing that helps most - easier said than done - is to fill your life with other interests and other things that don't remind you of him. Try and reconnect with old friends, get a new hobby, etc. That will give you a sense of how good life can be without him in it.
Dear BH,
I am sorry to hear that you are hurting.
BH,
First, welcome the EAS. You will find a lot of truth and wisdom in this community so I hope you have been reading, especially the Healing Library.
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I am almost 2 months out of my A and I feel that way sometimes - "When will this feeling go away??" Especially when I've had some really great days when I hardly think about him and successful at keeping thoughts of him out.
Be patient with yourself. But, let me assure you that NO CONTACT of any shape or form - even indirect contact - is a GIFT and SALVE for your healing.
Because whatever answer or respond you get or DON'T get, will only hurt you. Positve or negative, it doesn't matter.
MC,
Thanks for your encouragement.
Yes, you will have good days and bad days at this early stage. But, don't let the bad days drag you down and undo your hard work of getting past that first few weeks! THAT is the WORST of times.
I had a good day and I posted here and was forewarned of the bad days to come. At first i thought "gee, thanks for the encouragement" but, it made me prepare for those bad days and they didn't take me by complete surprise.
I am 7 weeks out of my A and my good days far outweigh the bad days already.
Keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. Listening to music and reading helps me. And, of course, giving my H and children my absolutey UNDIVIDED attention, which I have not done for many months.
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