Sinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2008
Sinking
11
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 9:50am

I have never posted here, just mostly read to get clarity and encouragement.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:10am

Don't contact him. It will only set you back. I am in the same situation and have been for six months and it gets progressively easier.

You have to realize that however he may have "seemed" to take it, he is also missing you. He may have acted "cool" out of a sense of dignity or out of self defense. So you should not worry that he is not missing you - he will be. But in contacting him, you will reopen wounds and it won't solve anything. You will have to go through this all over again. After all, there was a reason why you ended this.

The first three months are the worst. I am at six months and she mailed me once during that time to which I wrote a short reply and then felt bad for weeks afterwards because that was the end of it. I still have terrible lows occasionally so there is no magic switch to turn it all off.

One thing that helps most - easier said than done - is to fill your life with other interests and other things that don't remind you of him. Try and reconnect with old friends, get a new hobby, etc. That will give you a sense of how good life can be without him in it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:15am

Dear BH,

I am sorry to hear that you are hurting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 10:46am

BH,

First, welcome the EAS. You will find a lot of truth and wisdom in this community so I hope you have been reading, especially the Healing Library.

<<

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 12:15pm
BH,

I am almost 2 months out of my A and I feel that way sometimes - "When will this feeling go away??" Especially when I've had some really great days when I hardly think about him and successful at keeping thoughts of him out.

Be patient with yourself. But, let me assure you that NO CONTACT of any shape or form - even indirect contact - is a GIFT and SALVE for your healing.

Because whatever answer or respond you get or DON'T get, will only hurt you. Positve or negative, it doesn't matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 2:14am
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2008
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 9:10am

MC,

Thanks for your encouragement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2008
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 9:18am
Thank You Melinda!! I keep reading all of these over and over again. It has been so very hard and each day brings a new set of challenges, but before I go to bed each night I am so thankful that I made it through another day. Today, however, I am finding it more difficult then yesterday and the day before and the day before. Trying to keep myself busy and to not think about it. The urge is there but I will not give into it!! Trying to be strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 12:29pm
broken,

Yes, you will have good days and bad days at this early stage. But, don't let the bad days drag you down and undo your hard work of getting past that first few weeks! THAT is the WORST of times.

I had a good day and I posted here and was forewarned of the bad days to come. At first i thought "gee, thanks for the encouragement" but, it made me prepare for those bad days and they didn't take me by complete surprise.

I am 7 weeks out of my A and my good days far outweigh the bad days already.

Keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. Listening to music and reading helps me. And, of course, giving my H and children my absolutey UNDIVIDED attention, which I have not done for many months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2008
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 3:53pm
No d-day...Two really close calls and that is what topped it for me and I ended it. I am having such a hard time today...picked up the phone a few times and hung up...started two or three emailes...did not send them. Why do I feel like this and why is contacting him so much on my mind. This is killing me....I need to get him out of my head (feels like my heart).
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 10:01pm
Top right hand corner under quick links. There is a place to click private messages.

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