Should I even bother...poss triggs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Should I even bother...poss triggs
5
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 11:34am

Again, another day of doom. I am sick of this. Should I even bother signing up for school. I don't feel like I can do it. I wish I could but I have no energy to do it. Sometimes i feel on top of the world, thinking

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 12:03pm

Tina, love...you ARE successful...do you know why? Because you wake up every day...even when you don't WANT to...you do it...you survive.

I feel the exact same way you do. Exactly. I still cycle, still get so depressed. I'm facing the loss of my mom too, as you know...and it hurts like hell. I get overwhelmed with it sometimes...like last night, I had a WONDERFUL evening...cleaned my new home, hung pics, stuff like that...took a candlelight bubblebath, and relaxed.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN...BAM! I was in the pits of hell. I cried hysterically for an hour...literally. I have lost my dh, my kid is NEVVER home anymore...I have seen him for 15 minutes since Friday. I lost my dog, and as silly as that sounds, she was my best friend.

So, I let myself cry...let myself FEEL THE PAIN. Then I acknowledged it, and got up, and drove around the block. Only about 10 minutes and I was back at home...and I felt better. Its part of the DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) I've been doing. I actually practiced it, and it helped.

Every day is a struggle for you, Tina...but LOOK at what you have SURVIVED!!! I try to tell myself the same thing...because our illnesses are very very much alike. Unfortunately.

You CAN SO do school. Do you know what I admire about you? Your true empathy and caring for others in pain.

I know life sucks. Life so sucks. But we MUST get through every day, the only we can. I have no IRL friends either, but my dh...I still call him that and one day I will have to move on. But right now, its not the time for me yet. My friends, TRUE FRIENDS, that I've met online...here, are my VERY BEST FRIENDS in the world. We are here for each other when nobody else in the world understands. That's more REAL than I can imagine.

Yes, you SHOULD bother. And yes, you STILL need to try another a/d...even one you have been on before. Our brain chemistry is CONSTANTLY changing. Try another, please.

I love you.

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 12:23pm

((((((((Tina))))))) I understand how you feel right now. And as far as school goes, one thing my tdoc as noticed about me is that since I've been on this break between schools (since March) my swings have been worse because I have nothing "concrete" to concetrate on. I don't know if she's right or if it's just coincidence, but it's something to think about.


I can also relate to you missing your mom. My dad and I were tight as well. When I lost him I lost a big chunk of my world. It's been a process but I'm getting better in living with his memory even though he's not physically here. I know that probably doesn't help much right now, but in time I hope it will.


Meds, I definitely can feel your frustration. The lithium was working for me until it became toxic to my system and now I'm back to square one. I don't know what pdoc is going to do next. I hope she does something because I don't like this roller coaster anymore than you do. Remember this, we are all in this together and we are here for each other. Use us for your support. We can't take the place of your mom or any IRL friends, but we do care very much about you and want you to get through this tough spell you're in.


So keep posting and venting.


Hugs & Love


Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 2:00pm

Keli and Traci...Thank you so much for your support and understanding. I am in a bad way right now. I feel weak, like I can hardly move. I know this will pass but for now it is he11. I will probably go back up soon...I hope. i am going to ask Billy if he sees a difference in me since we started dating 5 years ago. I had just started being treated for bp when we met.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 2:12pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Sweetie, it makes more sense than you know. I just wish there was a way I could magically make your pain go away. This illness sucks there's no way around that, but just remember we're here.


As for your dd and how she addresses her step mom, I don't really have any advice on that. I mean, I have two step children from my previous marriage and while neither of them ever called me mom, they respected me as such, if that makes any sense. I don't take the place of their mom, but I'm just an added support sort of. And with the father they have, they need all the support they can get;) But seriously, I don't think dd loves you any less, it might

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 8:40am

well i'm a day late and a dollar short, but i do hope that today brings you new hope, the sun shinning and a new outlook on things.


we love you and while we are not rlf, we are here for you.


love u

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