What a day (Better)
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| Tue, 07-18-2006 - 7:27pm |
I hope I never get as low as I did this morning ever again... I went so far as to start writing my family a "note"... Luckily, my boyfriend called and he talked to me for almost two hours. I don't know how to stop working myself up. I cannot concentrate at work whatsoever. My brain keeps racing and my mind tells me how much everyone hates me and that my boyfriend is going to leave me. It's overwhelming.
How long will it take until I start seeing results from the Topamax? I'm taking one pill before bed each night for the first week and then two pills a day from then on... and up as needed.
I am proud of myself... I called the psychiatrist that my doc referred me to. I really didn't want to because my insurance won't cover it, but I NEED help. The psychiatrist's line was busy most of the day and when it finally did ring, I got his voicemail so I left a message. He called back not even 10 minutes later! He sounded really nice and when I explained my insurance situation he told me that he would work on a sliding scale with me, even though normally he doesn't do that. I think he could hear the desperation in my voice... He fit me in for tomorrow afternoon at 3:30 which works out perfect for me. I am so relieved. I cannot harbor this darkness anymore... I never thought I'd be excited to be going to a shrink! I want to feel better! I want to go back to being me!
I just have to keep it together until tomorrow...

I'm so glad to hear you're going to see a pdoc. Just hold on until tomorrow. Things will get better. It sounds like you had a good conversation with your bf. You said you worry about him leaving you. My big paranoid symptom is worrying about dh cheating on me. Rationally, I know he never would but, sometimes, I just get crazy with jealousy. It quit happening when I went on an anti-psychotic. Please let us know how it goes tomorrow.
Morgaine
I know that feeling of "just having to wait till tomorrow". Although it will seem like ages I assure you that it will come!! I'm glad you found a pdoc and one that fit you in to his schedule tomorrow- he sounds nice already ;) Let us know what he says.
Glad today is better,
Meg
I'm very glad to hear that today has been better for you. Doubly glad that you found a good pdoc that is prompt and willing to work on a sliding scale for you. I know how important that can be.
Like Morgaine, paranoia is one of my big triggers. When that starts I know I'm heading for trouble. So I can also relate to that. So that is something for you to keep an eye on.
Keep us posted on how it goes and how you are doing. We are here for you and we do care about you.
Peace, Love, & Light,
Traci