still working at it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
still working at it
5
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 10:59am

I am now 16 months post A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 12:59pm
I am so thankful you have stayed around here....this post is great. Self awareness is such a big thing to address and taking it on has the biggest challenges I have ever faced, but well worth it. Its nice knowing who we really are, the good and the things we need to improve upon. I am getting to know myself and knowing exactly what I want. Getting it is another story. Great post and great to have you here and been truly a pleasure knowing you. your a Gem!
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2010
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 1:15pm

Dee,

I'm happy that you a have come to find peace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 5:26pm

((Dee))

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and widsom with the board. This is definitely one for our Insights and Wisdom thread

<<

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 9:28am

Dee,

You are such a source of hope and inspiration for not only newbies, but Tweeners and Vets too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 10:41am
Dear Dee,

I too am SO grateful that you continue to pop in and offer your sage wisdom to all of us. I have watched you journey through many different/difficult aspects of the affair ending. I remember holding my breath with you over the state of your marriage, and felt the pain of your hopelessness that things could ever be better. I remember being concerned when it seemed like resignation rather than action was steering your marriage partnership.

THIS post speaks so loudly - you'd have to be willfully hearing impaired to hear your message. I so hope that all the newbies, and even some tweeners hear what you're saying. I think it takes an enormous amount of WORK to re-focus & re-commit to a marriage after you end an affair. I also think you have to WANT to make it work, to find that connection again, and to really think long and hard about how much time/energy etc ... was given to an xAP - and probably NEVER given to our spouses.

I often wonder, if only I had given 1/4 of my time and energy to my family that I had given to xAP, what a different place I would be in now. But, the past is in the past, and posts like yours reminds me of how the lessons we learn about ourselves in the ending, serve us in each and every decision we make afterwards.

"If you are unhappy and your live is not what you want it to be, acknowledge that YOU are in control of what is, of what was, and that YOU and only you have the power to change it. It's not _circumstances_ that dictate our happiness, it is SELF. "

ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY!

Much love Dee,

TU.