Called PDoc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Called PDoc
13
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 2:59pm

Well, I finally called pdoc this morning. I had to take much more than my usual dose of xanax (a regular occurance lately) just to calm down and I still can't focus. "Antsy" is the only word I can really think of to describe how I feel. Rather like I've drank 10 pots of coffee (I only had one cup this morning btw). My mind is just bouncing around. I'll start reading a document and then get up and go do something I just remembered or jump to another program on my computer to do something else. My kids are at their grandparents so I thought things would be calm for me but I'm still feeling agitated. I'm worried about the anger returning when they get back this weekend. I have anger issues. Anyhow, I just wanted to check in. I'm nervous about calling pdoc. I've never done it before. I hope she returns my call today.

Morgaine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 3:54pm
Hi Morgaine! I have anger issues (and lots of rage too) that I am working on. Finding a lot of guilt too that I didn't realize so throw that one in there as well!! I get my first pdoc visit on 8.03. Extremely nervous about that. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best - Hugs, Kelli





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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 4:18pm

(((((((Morgaine)))))))))) If it makes you feel any better, I called mine today too. Much against my thinking, but tdoc convinced me to do it. My mixed state has me in knots and is really starting to get the better of me. I want so much to say it's situational because of the court mess with xh. I hate throwing meds at something if it's situational. But tdoc was very astute to remind me that everytime I've made that argument it hasn't been all situational, that there has been a chemical problem as well and I have needed a med adjustment or change. I swear, sometimes I think I spend more time on the phone with these people than anyone else I know.


I hope yours got back to you today and was able to help you out to where you could ease your symptoms. I know mine, no matter how much I call her, is usually pretty good about that. You sound like you have a good pdoc and the fact that you don't call him/her often speaks highly of their ability to treat you. So don't feel bad about having to call. Sometimes the bp just gets the better of us in between our visits.


I can relate to having to take more of the agitation meds. For me it's klonopin and ativan. I've been popping them like candy this whole week and still nothing. I'm tired, but can't sit still long enough to even think about resting. My mind shoots off in 10 different directions at once. My temper is getting out of control again. It sucks. And I finally agreed with tdoc to call pdoc because I just need relief.


Keep us posted on how you are doing. We're here for you.


Peace, Love & Light,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 5:25pm

You called yours too huh? I left work early. I just realized that I gave pdoc my cell phone number and I have no signal at home. *sighs* Hopefully, she'll call me tomorrow. I've never tried klonopin or ativan. I'm starting to think she's going to have to give me something different. The xanax just isn't working very well. I take a bunch and I yawn but I'm still agitated. Its very strange.

I hear you about the situational feelings. I think that's my problem but I remember my last resident telling me about "kindling" (http://bipolar.about.com/cs/brainchemistry/a/0009_kindling1.htm) Once you get a little off kilter if you don't catch it then it snowballs - situational or not. Your mind only shoots off in 10 different directions? Heck, I think I'm up to 20 now ;-).

I do have a good pdoc (well, residents with a good pdoc attending). The last time I went was 5/4. I was supposed to go back in 3 months. I called earlier in the week but they didn't have anything until 8/11. I haven't had a med adjustment in 6 months or so and that was only to switch from depakote to lamictal because of the weight gain. I'm sure she won't be happy about the alcohol either although she never frowns at me or seems to think less of me. Its still embarrassing to tell her. I take xanax during the day at work and at night I drink alcohol to calm down. I know its probably making things worse overall but, in the short term, it helps. I took two ambien and an extra abilify last night to try to head things off but it was just as bad today. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Its driving me batty. I just want to *relax*. Anyhow, I'll quit rambling now. I hope you get to feeling better also.

Morgaine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 5:46pm

Morgaine-

You sound hypomanic to me, but I'm new to this so what do I know? Anyway, I hear ya on the calling the pdoc. It makes me really nervous. I had to call mine today to find out if it was ok if lithium was making me slur words and drop everything. After he called back I was so upset that I'd had to call I started crying and then got angry, and he wasn't even mean to me. I hope you hear back from her today.

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 6:09pm

I sound hypomanic to me too ;-). As I drove past the mall on the way home I just kept chanting "I don't need anything." I really don't but, man, would I like to go shopping. As it is I'm gambling. Not much $ but there's a game site that I like on the internet. I love to play but I just plain suck at the games. At least I haven't started writing a philosophy book yet that will share my theory of true happiness with the entire world. Once I wrote 5 pages (before I passed out). I read it later and it was totally loony. Did your doc say that Lithium was causing your problems? It seems like I've heard that it can but I've never taken it.

Hugs,
Morgaine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 6:23pm

My doctor said "hang in there and we'll see" which to me means, I know you're having the worst nightmare time of your life (well, probably not, but worst yet) but I really don't know the answer so just keep coming in every week and we'll try a new drug! Your book about the happiness of the entire world sounds pretty interesting to me. When it's written please send me a signed copy and I'll treasure it forever :)

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 6:30pm

I can really understand how you are feeling right now, being uneasy in your own skin. That pretty much describes me to a T right now. And while I don't drink on a regular basis by any means, I feel guilty when I do have a drink or two here and there, which I am inclined to do. I've been having urges to do it more frequently lately, but keep reminding myself that alcoholism is hereditary and it runs way deep in my family. But my tdoc knows I have an occasional drink and she's ok with it. Pdoc doesn't know, as it never really comes up. My fault I guess for not mentioning it.


I hope your doc gets ahold of you tomorrow if she didn't tonight. I really can relate to what you're going through. And, my doc has told me about the kindling effect too. I guess I just stockpile stuff and let it get to a point where it really smacks me down. Going without a tdoc appointment for 3 months probably didn't help matters. She'd check in with me once a week but there's only so much I would go in to in a 15 minute time frame. And then with all this court mess, I guess it's just all come to a head.


I just, like you, want to *relax* again. There's a concert this weekend my tdoc was telling me about and the tickets are really reasonable. I may look into going. She seems to think it might help my mood. If I can swing it, I may take her up on the idea. I don't get out nearly enough. I know that's part of my problem. But I just don't know how to put myself out there. Maybe if I can figure that out, I can reduce some of my meds. God, that would be so nice. Or is that just wishful thinking?


Anyway, I've rambled enough. I hope you have a good evening and get a decent night's sleep. Hang in there and let us know what pdoc says/does.


Peace, Love & Light,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 6:47pm

**************************Possible Triggers***********************************


This involves information on lithium toxicity. It's important to be up to date on this. Read only if you are in a reasonably good place.


Meg! How long has it been since you last had your lithium checked? The reason I ask is that the slurred speech and clumsiness can be (and I stress can because it doesn't necessarily mean it is) a sign of lithium toxicity. I know this from personal experience. This is part of the problem I was having before the hallucinations started. I had really bad hand tremors, jerky movements that I just couldn't control, stammering for words, stumbling around like I was drunk, and just plain wasn't there mentally. If I had a dollar for every person who's told me how much better I seem now than I did a month ago I'd be rich.


So, with that information, please make sure you keep up with your lithium level checks. They are very important. I could have probably avoided a lot of my symptoms, but the lab I had to use for whatever reason was incredibly slow in getting the results of my last lab work to my pdoc. I had the labs done, then the symptoms started up within days of that and the pdoc still didn't have the results by the time I had made the appointment with her to discuss my symptoms. So make sure the lab gets your labs to your pdoc asap everytime you have them done.


I'm not trying to scare you, I just want you to understand that lithium can have wicked effects on different people. If your pdoc is taking a wait and see approach, then respect his/her opinion. Just keep up with the level checks. Those are of the utmost importance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 7:18pm

I have heard about lithium toxicity... and he kind of told me the signs to look for that's why I was worried. The thing is, I'm only on 900 mg right now so I don't see how that could be toxic. He never took blood work, just started me on 450 and 900 the next (last) night... so who knows.

I'm just doing really bad right now. I'm going out of town this weekend but Sunday when I get back if I'm still doing as bad I may just go to the hospital.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
In reply to: morgaine_iv
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:28pm

When I was on 900 is when some of the toxic symptoms started showing. The more severe ones didn't start until I was put on the 1200 so keep that in mind. But, at the same time, everyone's body reacts differently. If you don't feel better, then don't fight going to

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