I'm guilty...
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I'm guilty...
| Mon, 03-21-2011 - 9:13am |
Okay, so I screwed up. My first reaction is to stay away from this board, as I know what is coming..... but I know this is a place of understanding and support. A lot of people have fallen backwards and that would now include me. I've really been struggling with LC at work. My A started as a FWB. No commitments, no expectations, no promises of love or a R. Just fun. Soon it became more emotional for me..never for him. I have really missed the friendship. We used to talk about everything. Now, it is so strange to NOT be involved in his comings and goings. Well, I thought, against all advice, that I could remain friends with
him. It seemed so much easier. Now, we talk pretty regularly at work. I honestly feel like I am over the whole physical thing with him. I have no desire, whatsoever to be intimate with him. I don't see him that way anymore. I realize, looking back, how wrong
it was and what a mistake I made in my M and to my DH and kids. But, I took a hard look in the mirror this weekend, and realized I am back to thinking about him and what he is doing. I think I have fallen back into a EA....although I don't want to
admit it. It is, after all, how I got in this situation to begin with. And I have yet to do the worked necessary to figure out WHY it
happened in the first place. But I do realize I am walking on thin ice here... I am glad we seem to have gotten back to the
friendship we had before, but I am weary that this could go off into a ditch at any time. I wasn't going to post anything about this
because I know what I am going to hear.But perhaps that is why I am here. I need another reality check. I've continued to read posts and I see over and over again what a mistake this is. But I also see the understanding that sometimes it takes a few attempts before we "get it". I read a post from Heartache which said something like, I tried and failed several times because I thought we could remain friends ....which is just an EA. That was when I realized I am in trouble. I'm looking for some clarity. Can we remain friends if I no longer have the desire to be physical...or am I just kidding myself?
him. It seemed so much easier. Now, we talk pretty regularly at work. I honestly feel like I am over the whole physical thing with him. I have no desire, whatsoever to be intimate with him. I don't see him that way anymore. I realize, looking back, how wrong
it was and what a mistake I made in my M and to my DH and kids. But, I took a hard look in the mirror this weekend, and realized I am back to thinking about him and what he is doing. I think I have fallen back into a EA....although I don't want to
admit it. It is, after all, how I got in this situation to begin with. And I have yet to do the worked necessary to figure out WHY it
happened in the first place. But I do realize I am walking on thin ice here... I am glad we seem to have gotten back to the
friendship we had before, but I am weary that this could go off into a ditch at any time. I wasn't going to post anything about this
because I know what I am going to hear.But perhaps that is why I am here. I need another reality check. I've continued to read posts and I see over and over again what a mistake this is. But I also see the understanding that sometimes it takes a few attempts before we "get it". I read a post from Heartache which said something like, I tried and failed several times because I thought we could remain friends ....which is just an EA. That was when I realized I am in trouble. I'm looking for some clarity. Can we remain friends if I no longer have the desire to be physical...or am I just kidding myself?

You have a better chance at hitting the Lottery Jackpot, than remaining friends.
Any remaining ties are intended to keep that old good
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Blue,
I wanted to be friends too,
Yes, BC, you are without a doubt kidding yourself about maintaining a friendship with your XAP.
You seem to recognize what is happening here, and as soon as you can align your heart to your brain, you'll be able to close the door completely on this pseudo friendship. Anyone who has had a FWB thing going on, and is also M, needs a good dose of reality poured on their heads. Let's hope that doesn't come in the form of a D-Day.
Keep distancing yourself from this guy and repeat over and over again, "We are NOT friends. We are NOT friends. We are NOT friends." Eventually it will sink in.
We could all kick you - but it doesn't change what isn't ready inside of you. You are right - you need a reality check - but that is something that only YOU can do. I hope and pray that you gain clarity on what is real and your A behaviors. It always starts with thinking you can control those feelings and responses - but because you let your guard down with the EA part - in time you will also weard down your PA responses. That is just how it goes.
I worry that you are in bigger trouble than you know. Why do you still need his approval? Why are you still seeking validation, applause, and attention outside your current circumstances? What are YOU missing?