New Diagnosis - Now what?
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New Diagnosis - Now what?
| Sun, 07-23-2006 - 11:42am |
Started seeing a therapist about a month ago. Was having trouble sleeping and couldn't control the thoughts racing through my head day and night. Also was concerned about my temper and taking it out on my children, so like a responsible adult I went to get some help. I honestly was thinking that I had ADHD but my therapist is suggesting that it looks more like bipolar. My brother has bipolar and is really bad about it. He is so far gone that sometimes he has hallucinations. When I heard those words come out of his mouth, I wanted to die right there. "My life is over" I thought to myself. My husband is going to leave me and I'm never seeing my kids again. OK I've calmed down somewhat from that point but am still very manic. I am realizing that I have been manic for several months now and I'm concerned about my own actions. I have been very sexual lately. Haven't actually had sex with anyone other than my husband but there have been a few instances where I know I crossed the line with another man. I love my husband and don't want to hurt him. I know that what I'm doing is wrong but I want to do it so badly, it's like I can't control myself sometimes. I also just went to Target and spent $100 on underwear, and tank tops. Never thought it would add up to that much but oh well I can afford it (for now right)> I hate to admit it but I realize that many of the signs of bipolar disorder (mostly mania) for me are there staring me in the face and now I have to begin to figure out how to deal with them. I enjoy myself and am happy all the time except for when I go over the top and it turns to anger or some other emotion. I know that I can't keep going around having flings with other men either (even though it sounds like so much fun). I'm so new to all this I don't really even understand where the line is drawn between behavior and disorder. Has anyone else been in the place that I am right now? Any advice or words of wisdom as to how to feel or what my next step should be would be appreciated. I am currently not on any medication, and am terrified of starting and having to be on it the rest of my life. I am 26 years old. I just want to be me.

Did this doctor give you meds for bipolar??? What are they if he did. That is where to begin, is with meds. Are you seeing a therapist(tdoc)? Being too manic can send you into hallucinations and delusions. That is one of the reasons meds are so important. Bipolar is not the end of the world but it is challenging to live with. It is our responsibility to seek treatment and stick with meds. I am sure there are others on here who have been through more of what you posted. They should be back online on Monday. Marci and Traci are here on weekends too
~ Tina ~
You sound exactly like me when I found out I was BP. I was 24 as well and just got married. I now have been on meds almost 8yrs now ( I will be 33 in Oct) It was a lot of hard work to get where I am today but it was worth it. It took several tries until I found the right meds. The one thing that worked for me was to get lots of books from anywhere you can, like ebay, or your local book store. And read all about BP. It really helped me understand BP rather then just accepting it. The I passed the books on to the most important people in my support system. My Dad and Dh came to a few of my therapy sessions. They came separately, but that also helped them understand it more as well.
I hope I helped you in some way. My thoughts are a bit scattered today, I am having rouble focusing. I am glad you found this board. The ladies here are wonderful and are the back bone to my support system. I hope you keep coming back and posting.
Huggs
jo
Johanna
Hi Jenn and welcome to our board.
I know learning that your are bipolar is a very scary thing to hear because of the stigma that surrounds the term and from any personal dealings you may have had with people who have had the illness. The one thing to remember is that every person is different as is most cases of bipolar.
It's not a pleasant thought to think you will have to be on meds for the rest of your life, believe me, I know. I fought it tooth and nail for the longest time. I'm not one who likes to take pills, but I figure if it's the difference between keeping my kids and losing them, I'll take the pills. And, in my case, that's where I was headed. I know there are people here who have tried natural remedies, but I'm not so sure of how they worked, so maybe they will chime in as well. I know my psychiatrist (pdoc) is confident that we will find the right combination to get me stable.
I haven't had a major manic episode in probably 20 years. I've had many hypo-manic ones in that 20
Whenever I get manic, everything else always seems more glamourous to me... I convince myself that I want another life. I had to stop watching Sex & the City because I became convinced that I wanted to be just like Samantha! Also, whenever I get manic I convince myself that I have money to blow on frivilous things. I'll think nothing of dropping a few hundred dollars on picture frames, lingerie, hair products, or even nail polish! (I swear I have more lingerie than Victoria Secret!) I tell myself that I can afford it, even though I can't.
I just started some new meds. I'm hoping they help to control my wacky urges. The only other way I know to control myself is to completely seclude myself until I can get back to see my doctor.
Now that you have been diagnosed with bp, you and your doctor can work out a treatment program that will best work for you and you will find the real "you" again!
Jenn,
For whatever reasons your brother's BP is not well controlled doesn't mean that you will be the same--everybody reacts somewhat differently to meds and BP itself.
Thanks to all for the warm welcomes. It is so nice to know that there are other people out there that understand what I'm feeling (or at least what I think I'm feeling, I'm not even sure some days). I honestly feel like I'm in a time warp sometimes and the world is just going on around me.
Opheliarevived: I was laughing so hard at your post because I totally related to it. Thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only person in the world who has ever wanted to live the "sex in the city" life. In fact I think I'm there right now which is so bad because I am married with 2 children and am caught between wanting to be the wife and mother I am and wanting to throw it all away for something that I think is a more glamerous and exciting life.
I missed this week's session with my tdoc because of a death in the family so it will have been 2 weeks since I've gone. I have had (been doing) so much lately that I just don't think an hour is going to be long enough to catch up. I almost feel like I'm going to a priest to confess my sins about things I've done, thought, felt that know one else knows about or would understand. I have a feeling that I will be on here looking for support quite often. I will keep checking the board and also keep you posted on what is happening with me.
So far no meds. I have only seen the tdoc for about a month and he was still up in the air about the dx but we've been tossing around the idea since the first day he met me and thought he had me pegged then. Well unfortunately for both of us I am a good actor and can make things seem like they are something else. I have to be honest with myself and after some of the actions I have taken in the past 2 weekends (mostly with men) I need to face the reality that I am destroying my marriage by behaving this way and need to get it under control.
Thanks again for the responses and support and I will be in touch this week.
Too funny.....I am actually tossing around the idea of going on American Idol. I can sing and have had people tell me that I can, but most of them were drunk in bars so I'm not so sure how good I really do sound. My dh is pushing me to do it and I'm still on the fence. Just funny that you would mention that. We have a lot in common.
The stark difference here is that NOBODY has EVER encouraged me to sing... EVER!
Hahaha!
Hey, if people are supporting you, you really should go for it! What's the worst that could happen? You could be the next William Hung, but would that really be so bad? He got a record deal, slightly more than 15 minutes of fame and he made a hefty chunck of change :)
Hey Jennbett. I just wanted to add my hellos to the list. My pdoc didn't really "tell" me when I was dx'd bp. He just gave me some medicine to help with mood swings. Later I saw bp on my chart. By that time I had already pretty well figured it out (the bp meds being a big clue) so it wasn't a big shock for me. I can imagine how scary it must be if your brother has a lot of difficulty. Is he taking regular medication? That changed my life.
I also have big issues with my temper and taking it out on the children. In fact, that was one of the primary reasons I sought treatment as well. I was also taking it out on dh. I was manic when I met him (moved in after about a month of dating) and things stayed weird for the next year. I nearly divorced him right after we were married. Anyhow, I think a lot of us can identify with where you are. I hope you hang around here a while. This is a great group of ladies.
Morgaine