When the mania is gone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
When the mania is gone
3
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 12:28am

I am new to all this but just have a question. I haven't started meds yet, and am not scheduled to see my tdoc until next Thursday when we will confirm the dx'ed of BP. I know as he has already stated that he will want to put me on meds and get me in touch with a pdoc. I am very against meds but feel that I don't have any other options at this point. I have been manic for about 6 months now and am starting to get used to ut (although I am getting braver and doing more dangerous things - that's the scary part) I feel somewhat invincible at this point, like anything I do will be OK and won't hurt anyone (I know I'm wrong). I am terrified of losing the feeling like one said in a different post of "euphoria". I don't want to live a boring life. My life is exciting, and I am always happy and energetic. The only problems that I have right now is when the temper kicks in (at the drop of a hat usually) and when I am on the verge of doing something stupid that would hurt someone I love (like having an affair). I need to get those things in check but I am hoping and praying that there is a way to do that with out having to come completely down, or worse yet become depressed again. When I was depressed before I could barely function. I would much rather live with my mania, med free and just try to be in control of my emotions and actions, than be that depressed again. But on the other foot, will the depression return anyway? This is all so new to me, I just don't even know what to think anymore. I am afraid of losing who I am, but I am also afraid of who I might become if I don't address my current issues. Does any of this make sense to anyone? I also just lost all of my baby weight and refuse to take meds that will put that weight back on (it took 2 years). That may sound shallow but I know there are some other women here that agree with me. It's just not fair, none of it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 12:35am
I agree. None of it's fair. Some people compare it to diabetes but I'd rather have diabetes. The weight gain is awful and it's with most of the medicines. I lost 50 pounds and I've already gained 17 back. Every pound makes me cry more and more. When the mania goes away you're left with numbess. I'm on lithium and the happiness is gone. The only good emotion I had is gone. I feel your pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 9:37am

Getting on meds or not is YOUR choice.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 10:32am

Jenn --


As Tina said, the choice to take meds or not is entirely yours to make. I have 3 children that rely on my ability to function as a responsible parent 24/7. That kind of narrows my options. I love my kids more than life itself and it's primarily that reason that keeps me going back to my pdoc and