Empty nest?????? Poss Trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Empty nest?????? Poss Trigs
6
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 11:15am

My two youngest kids left on Friday with my eldest step daughter to go to NJ for a week. Within hours of their leaving I crashed and hard. My oldest dd is still here with me though, so I don't really know why I crashed. I was thinking it was that empty nest syndrome but it doesn't fit because I've still got one at home, plus I know the other two are coming home.


My tdoc told me about a concert that was going on yesterday and told me I should go to try to lift me out of the depression. So, I went and while the music was good and I really like the entertainer it didn't lift the depression. Today after dd is finished with summer school we're going to the local 4-H Fair so she can buy a new rabbit. I usually get jazzed about the fair. I don't even want to go today. In short, I don't want to get off this couch. I just want to lay down and go to sleep. I hate feeling this way. It hurts and I want the pain to stop. And to do that I do things to myself that I shouldn't do. I'm fighting those urges with all that I have but they're still there.


Thanks for listening,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 11:22am

I'm sorry you are not doing well today......not sure what it could be from.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 11:44am

Thanks Donna. I don't know what brought this on either. The lithium is out of my system so it's not that. The only thing I can think of is it coincides with my kids leaving. It's like there's a huge hole inside me and it makes me want to do things - things that would wind me up in i/p if I survived. I hate this. The logical side of my brain is functioning enough to say that's not the answer but the pain is immense and I want it to stop. I've tried to keep myself busy but it doesn't work, I just find myself thinking whatever I'm doing isn't what it could be because my kids aren't here. I know they'll be back, so I don't understand why it's hitting me so hard, unless it just coincided with a cycle and that's why I'm so bad right now. I don't know if that makes any sense. But thanks for listening.


Love U 2,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 12:43pm

Hey honey...I'm sorry you aren't doing well today. We never catch a break, do we?

I've battled this whole loneliness thing too, since the separation. And all I can tell you is that time is the only thing that's helped. My ds is gone a lot too, and going home to the dark, empty house definitely trigs me sometimes. But, I have learned to embrace it...to learn how to be "bored" without being triggered. All I have really done is pamper myself more....like I take a candle light bubble bath...listen to music...watch MY shows on TV...read a book...stuff like that.

Being MINDFUL of the fact that yes, I am alone...but I am not really alone. I have myself. Its not easy to learn (its a DBT therapy thing...) but it does help. Be MINDFUL of each emotion you experience...sadness, pain, loneliness, depression, boredom...fully experience each emotion for a few seconds...EACH ONE. Acknowledge it...then let it go. It really does work, but you have to really practice it all the time. Then eventually, it becomes how you automatically process feelings and emotions.

If you go to the borderline board, in the section section, there is a thread, the first one in that section...that has entire modules on that therapy. Go read them.

Talk to you soon.

Love you,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 12:51pm

Thanks Keli,


I'll check that out. I've got to do something. The thoughts are intensifying and I am having a hard time fighting them. I don't want to call tdoc or pdoc cause I know what they'll tell me. I appreciate you being here for me. I know you are in a bad way pain wise right now and taking time to talk to me helps. So thank you. Right now I have to go pick up dd from summer school and head to the fair. Maybe that will help. At this point I doubt it, but maybe. I'll talk to you soon.


Love U 2,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 1:41pm

Traci,

I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad. What meds are you on right now? Any antidepressants? It sounds like we both need to be on one. If you don't want to get off the couch... have you tried watching a funny movie? Just an idea. I hope you start to feel better.

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 1:57pm

Meg,


I'm on wellbutrin for the depression. I've been saying for years that it's not working but nobody seems to be hearing me. The school of thought by the pdocs I've seen and my tdoc is that while it's not working like they'd like it to, it's working enough to keep me from doing something stupid. The dosage can be upped, but because I have a history of seizures they won't up it to the max dosage. And they won't put me on any other a/d's for fear of throwing me into a manic episode, which I would welcome right about now.